"You can quote me on that" -Friends and family edition

"Mary Kaye[my mom] I do believe that is the ugliest outfit I have ever seen"- My pops in respones to a rather eccentric outfit my mom was wearing

"Yo, man why you never got no dough and never put in on no tree. Niggas' saying you owe like 150 nick bags..."My man neal giving a cypher moocher the business

"Man damn, her breath was STANKING. It smelled like...like...a metallic fart" My man scoe commenting on a young lady's malodorous exhalations

"Chill man, you know that nigga Crunchy Black is hot" My cousin ronald wesley talking about the rapper crunchy black.(if you have ever heard Crunchy Black you would know why that is one of the funniest things ive ever heard)

"...Of course you are welcome around here...you sho' been here long enough[said low and grumbly with a wiff of disdain]"-My aunt faye in response to my girlfriend asking if it was okay to be at a Christmas function

"What??"-my girlfriend's response to the previous remark

"YOU heard me"-my aunt faye's reply to my girlfriend's "What"

"Yo, it look like that nigga got his haircut in a bar fight" my nigga Toby(haha that looks weird on paper) talking about a dude with a particularly fucked up haircut

"The only problem with that is you have to be dead first" my mom's response to my goal of having a street named after me one day

"Oh so you calling somebody now? Shit, nigga we got phones too..." a drunk(is there any other kind?) bruce eagle's retort to a little misunderstanding the crew had outside of a Walmart.

"...[sarcastically]And this is the little girl who was set ablaze by pablo escobar" bruce eagle's response to those silly ass "marijuana=terrorism" commericals circa 2002. (btw, yeah drugs are used by terrorist sects at times, but its opium not marijuana)

"Yo, what the hell is that a nugget shake?" my man skino referring to a container of popcorn chicken i was carrying

"She looks so good i would eat her period off a cracker and i dont even need a ritz. Shit ill do it off a saltine, nigga"-my feelings about Gabrielle Union. Hyperbole, of course. You know, unless she asks me...

"I like her but she has SOOOO many teeth" my girlfriend's friend's comment about the star of "Everyday Italian", giada de laurentis(btw, she does have 435 teeth but hot damn she's a looker)

"I had a girlfriend one time when a black cat crossed in front of her car she got out and chased it right back to the other side. I mean, she was pretty drunk though..."my future brother-n-law's fiancee

"So what you are saying is that you got a "C" health rating because you had hashbrowns in the sink and butter on the floor? So was it just like raw butter on the floor or did yall at least have it in wrappers..."my man calvin's question for a waitress at waffle house(you know what though? we still ate there and the butter didnt taste gritty so ima go with it was still in the wrapper.)

"Yooo, niggas had 5 books and 5 books last game niggas and called it books made[throwing in the hand], but now niggas bid 7 and 4 and yall play it.7 and 4 thats books made"my man bobby davis's half brother(btw, in spades a combined bid total for the 2 competing teams has to equal 11 or greater or the hand gets thrown in. Too bad he wasnt joking )

"Yo, this nigga need some adult classes"my man arrick's response

A little insight into why everyday is a pleasure for me...

Bruce Eagle the full metal. Peace!!!

All I'm saying is..

Valentine's DAY itself is for the women, but Valentine's NIGHT is for the fellas. Not gonna go into too much detail about this rather carnal knowledge, but uh-ra...lets just say I got my annual birthday present early...


Bruce Eagle the Sated. Peace!!!

Oh and...

"HAPPY VALENTIMES, HAPPY HAPPY VALENTIMES, HAPPY VALENTIMES DAAAAAAA-YAAHHHH..."-Andre 3000


If you dont have a sweetie, thats fine. This day is for love of all kinds. Love your neighbor and please find a chance to love yourself too(i meant figuratively but if thats what floats your boat, jingles your handle...ok ok). Let this be the one day where you arent so hard on yourself, where you dont give the finger to other motorists on the highway, where we all just chill and enjoy each others company. Happy valentines!

Bruce Eros the love machine. Peace!!!

"What you know about dat"

What you know about-this: "...I caaaannn go anywheeerreee. Just take a look its in a book ITS READING RAINBOOOOOWWWWW?!!" Reading Rainbow was the shite!!! I couldnt wait for it to come on right before naptime. Yep, it was a childrens show that we used to watch the hell out of at summer day camp. You remember that blind guy from Star Trek, Lavar Burton? He was the host. This was one of the silliest shows on the air, but it got kids to read so i guess it met its objective...

What you know about- Naptime?-Remember when you were young and at a day camp or preschool or kindergarten and you had a specified naptime? Why the hell did we stop this tradition? Tell me an hour nap during the day wouldnt set you right? And we had bedtimes back then and still got naptime. I say, we take a note from the spanish, and have siesta time. Like multimillion dollar businesses cant lose an hour or so or so or so...You know what? Maybe its for the best...

What you know about-Butter cookies and Tampico juice? Tampico was some of the nastiest crap ive ever drunk but when you are outside in the sun with no trees playing your ass off, that tampico hit the spot even though water probably would have been better. What you know about those butter cookies that use to have the little hole where you could put your finger in and eat it in a circle? I miss pinky-based food...

What you know about-frying food with Crisco Shortening? Oh you thought this was just to grease your baking pan? Nah, you can straight up fry with it or at least my moms did. I figured out the other day why i was overweight as a kid(or at least one of the reasons): my moms cooked with shortening damn near every meal(yep ima hick). Shortening is, in essence, pure, congealed animal fat. You know what though? That fat was freaking delicious. Moms had to put it down cus my pop's heart was about open his chest and walk off in search of a better life, but it was fat, i mean, fun while it lasted...

What you know about-Sonic the Hedgehodge? Sega was my thing in like 95 and as usual i was the last to get the game system. I missed out on nintendo completely(in retrospect i didnt miss much but it was popping back in the day). Now, for a while, my peeps just could not be convinced how imperative this game system was to my well-being, but they finally broke down and got me one. But, oh no, they couldnt hold a brother down with some controllers and some games or something. It was the bare minimum system that they bought. You know what game came with the system, along with the one controller(i was an only child but damn i did have some friends)? Sonic the mutha-flurbing Hedgehog, "hahaha my nigga". I ended up LOVING THIS GAME. Still to this day havent beaten it but thats besides the point. Wasnt this a metaphor for adult life though? You run as fast as you can and try to get as many gold rings as you can. You have a little help along the way, but tails aint really do crap for you. You had to do it yourself. All while you are doing this, there is this fat overbearing, evil tyrant following you around and trying to stop you from getting your coins...Yeah, that pretty much sums up adult life...

What you know about-Calculus? I aint even gonna front. I kept this secret from my mom who to this day will still bring this up . I got an "A" out of that class but it was given to me. We aint do crap in that class. Seriously though, how has calculus made your life any easier. I know calculus theory is used in engineering and programming but i mean the average everyday person. I can see algebra, it taught you how to back into solutions without full information, but calculus? I aint never needed to know how to...umm...see i cant even remember that crap...

What you know about-duct tape? Outside of compound interest and digital porn, duct tape has to be one of the most useful, seminal inventions of the past 100 years. What cant you use it for? What you know about red duct tape on a broken taillight? What you know about duct tape holding your bed together? What you know about duct tape as the battery cover for a remote? Nuff said...

What you know about-pretty much every post coming down to the same format just with different names? My bad, the government has been doing this for years though...

"What you know about that, I know all about that"-T.I.


Bruce Eagle the full metal. Peace!!!

"We don't believe you...

You need more people"-Jay-Z

Global Warming...sorry you need more people.

Do you know what the morning (7 am or so) temp was in sunny Stamford, CT 06905 yesterday? ELEVEN DEGREES with a NEGATIVE 8 wind chill...Im calling bullfeathers on that...

Seriously, its not that Global Warming isn’t happening, per se, but its not an accurate term for our situation as a planet. What this term would connote is that the earth is simply getting hotter. Well, the earth, a living organism unto itself, goes through changes every so often as most organisms do. I seem to recall a period in earth's history where the entire planet was ice. So, yeah, the earth gets warmer.

So in essence, the earth would have become warmer or changed climates with out us here. Yep, life can go on without us. It did and will(if there is anything left). This term is catchy and it gave Al Gore something to put on T-shirts, but no, the term Global Warming does not properly reflect what is going on here. We humans have done irrevocable damage to our home. Do you know what irrevocable means? We CANNOT FIX THIS? In the last 100 years, we have consumed more resources than all civilizations that have ever existed combined. I understand that some of this has to do with an influx of technology and population growth; however, explain or excuse all you want that doesn’t change the fact that we have destroyed this planet. The only thing that will save us now is:

CONSERVATION of what little we have left. The consumption of all of our resources have drained mother earth not to mention depleted the ozone layer in the process. That natural UV filter mother earth gave us is GONE. Any semblance of pure air is GONE. We have to not just recycle, but stop using so much. Stop driving so much. Stricter Mandatory gas mileage standards for every car. A less debaucherous lifestyle in general for everyone. I know you remember those reduce, reuse, recycle commercials like 15 yrs ago. Shit, back further than that was Jimmy Carter spouting better gas mileage, more conservation. This concept aint new to us. We didn’t listen then. So, we have to pay now. Its not to say that there haven’t been many people who have contributed to World awareness and there has been recent Clean Air legislation, but this is not enough. These are actions not results. People feel that this is a solution. No it’s support not a solution. People feel that way b/c the term Global warming isn’t strong enough in its reductionist nature.

So yes, Global warming… you need more people and you need more words.
Let’s try: The fact that we have fucked this earth over and cant fix what we have done but we can stop more fuck ups in the future so that our great^10 grand children may actually have something left.

Not quite as catchy but the message is fully stated.

Bruce Eagle the full metal. Conserve!!!

Loquacious Levity 2-11-08

Ima go ahead and let you know this off the bat: WORST POST EVER...

And, ive set the bar pretty low so far, but i am going to chug along. You're Welcome

Is it just me or has texting totally ruined my regular typing? For some reason i cant type in complete sentences anymore...

or spell your, yours, or you're correctly anymore...

Seriously though, How many fantasy leagues would have nixed that Gasol trade. How was that even fair? I think the lakers gave up a kit-kat and some snapple for him

Did you see the grammys? Word...thats whats up...but they were pretty good this year. With no writers they had more performances, which is really all the grammys should be: a concert version of an All-star game...

Ok, ima say it. I teared up when Kanye did his "Hey Mama" song for his recently deceased mom. DONT LIE YOU ALMOST DID TOO!!!!

A little background: I left my home state after 18 years for the Big Apple in 2004. I am an only child so this was the first time i had really left home. Now, Kanye had a mixtape(or at least thats what im calling bootleg records now) where that song was up there. Oh you thought that was that new-new huh? Nah its pretty old. But i always skipped that song cus it made me miss MY Amama too much. Yeah im pretty much a pussy...

Tina Turner and Beyonce had a good performance too. Albeit, when they performed "Proud Mary" that river ran a little slow...

But give her a break, shit man. Tina got be like a good Buck-fifteen by now...its a wonder she didnt come out in depends...Although that outfit did look a little bulky

I like Amy Winehouse as much as the next man(try her album "Frank" if you like "Back to Black) but 5 grammys? NOONE EVER DESERVED THAT MANY...im talking to you Alicia and Norah, too...Well maybe the "Miseducation of Lauryn Hill" but shit she aint even get 5!!!

And i quote, my old lady just referred to someone in the background as "that fat black lady from the website"

When that is your moniker it maybe about time to, you know, hit the treadmill, punch a stairmaster or something...

Punch a stairmaster? wow...that was terrible

And i quote, my old lady just said in the background again "well let me go take a dump cus I had some broccoli...and Happy Yom Kippur..."

Yep, im in love with a real lady...

And the current sounds from out of out bathroom: Spray, Spray, Spray!!! 2 for the bulk and once for the remainder's what i always say...(you really think im making this up dont you? All the quotes were realtime as i was typing this...see sometimes its pays to freestyle blog..but most times it doesnt)

The always classy Bruce ending with a flatulence joke once again...told you this one was gonna be bad.

Bruce Eagle the full metal. Peace!!!

Mythbuster:Mary-Ju-Wanna

This segment will be done time to time to dispell any myths out in the ether. I have put on my little funny hat and grew a goatee. So, lets bust a myth today!

Myth: Mary-Ju-Wanna makes you hungry

Ummm....


Myth: Mary-Ju-Wanna affects your short-term memory

Umm...