Begin Scene: The ordinary, run of the mill sports talk show. There are two hosts who sit at a post-modern, polychromatic desk. One is black and one is white. As the two hosts prep for the upcoming broadcast reading the copy info in front of them, the make-up girl makes the final touches to the multiple layers of clairol cake on the hosts' faces. The producer shoos away the makeup girl and gives the hosts the 30 seconds-to-air warning. 25 seconds later the camera man counts down. 5-4-3-2...He points to the hosts. Its time to go.
Bob, the white host: Welcome to NBA Shootaround. We have a jammed pack show today and we start with the sheer dominance of the Birmingham Pigeonholes, currently undefeated 30 games into the season. Tyrus, just what is the key in their rise to dominance.
Tyrus: Well Bob, the first kudos have to go to the management of this franchise. They have really put together, for lack of a better phrase, a bigoted all-star team with strentghs at every position. Yes, Jimmy Jingoist the president of this franchise has really afforded the GM, Kevin Karat-Kline, all the room and authority to really build a solid team.
Bob: Yes, word around the league Jimmy Jings, as he is affectionately called, only provides the means for Kevin Karat to carry out his day to day duties and lets Kevin make all the moves he needs. I know Kevin K, formerly under the meticulous thumb of owner James Dolan, really appreciates the freedom of Jimmy Jings. I know you been waiting for this Tyrus. Lets go on the court. Just what exactly is the reason for these staggering numbers.
Tyrus: Again, Bob, this is a bigotry all star team we got here. Loads of talent and loads of upside. Lets start with the leader and heart of this team, "the muslim terrorist". While he has not had the numbers he had in his break out season in 2001 , he is still a threat. He is putting up an average of 15.5 hate crimes perpertrated against per game. He averages 21.5 negative mentions on the news per game. And last but not least his sterotype numbers are one of the main reasons for this team's success. This man is the epitome of stereotype ball. Not only does he have the huge "all muslims are terrrorists", encompassing millions across the world, he has the not to shabby sterotype "all arabs are terrorists" going for him as well. Bob, i know many do not expect him to possibly match his stereotype numbers from his record-breaking 2004 november,but I foresee a big Novemeber for him this year even matching or surpassing his 2004 output.
Bob: Ty, it is simply amazing the numbers this star is putting up. With republicans and democrats alike trotting out their terrorist platforms this year, his negative mention numbers should skyrocket as well. I agree that this november may top his record breaking season. However, we would be remiss if we did not mention the other stars of this team. What do you feel that "the token black guy" and "the illegal immigrant mexican" bring to this team.
Tyrus: Jim, like i said this is a bigotry all star team and these two gentleman are no exception. "Token black guy" is putting up staggering negative mention numbers, picking up the slack for "the muslim terrorist" on off nights. His stereotype numbers have been falling since the appearance of more black CEO's and the arrival of more soulful white people. But he has the "big penis" and "thief" stereotypes to fall back on. When that fails he has his patented "chicken and watermelon" routine to bump his numbers. But, my biggest suprise and X-factor night in and night out, is the scrappy rookie, "the illegal immigrant mexican." With the primaries underway, his negative mentions have been soaring. While never a consistent hate crime threat, his stereotype numbers add a big boost to this team. While the frequency of this stereotype is not what you want with the current league landscape, add the influx of hispanic americans, an american tendency to call all darker skin persons of hispanic origin mexicans, and the progandist fear of illegal immigrants and leprosy, his stereotype numbers are huge in the clutch. Plus he always has the "lazy" stereotype to fall back on when immigration concern is low.
Bob: I agree Ty, but i think my X-factor would have to be "the faggot", longtime allstar in this league. I think it was a masterful move by the team to making a trade with the New York Hicks to get this guy and all they had to give up was recently struggling "mafioso italian" and "drunken irishman". Long thought to be aging given he has been in the league since the AIDS/homosexual frenzy of the 80's, "the faggot" still has decent hate crime numbers even if his negative mentions and stereotypes are becoming less potent. Add his numbers with "the jews" solid stereotype and hate crime averages as well as "the hindu customer service rep.'s" stats off the bench, and it makes this team the total package. Great team and record season. Kudos to all.
Tyrus: I agree whole heartedly, Bob.
Bob: Ok when we get back we will be taking a look at the expiring profit sharing agreement under discussion by league owners and bigots, league supporters. Who deserves the money? The bigots who created this league or the owners masterfully capitalize off their fear and hate? We return with comments from various league sources as well as our poll from you.
End Scene
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