Hello ladies and gentleman, ok gentleman. All this week i will be doing countdowns of obscure topics. I know you get tired of those conventional countdowns, hottest celebs, best rappers...Well, look no further for innovation. All this week I will be hitting ya with exclusive countdowns of the most inane topics ever to grace the internet. So, let's get the ball rolling with this gem:
Today's listing is a countdown of individuals who I vow to punch on sight if I ever meet them. I mean, no "hello", no "oh, i loved your..."straight swinging...Hey, i believe in non-violent resolutions like the next man, but some nuccas just have it coming. These nuccas to be precise. While this list is of a purely selfish nature and Ill probably never meet these people in person, please feel free to give a quick sock for the good ol' full metal if you ever happen upon them...
5. Soulja Boy-First, spell your got damn name right. Fuck's wrong with you...Second, that "Superman" song is one of the worst pieces of audio excrement that I have ever had the displeasure of hearing. Ugh. Maybe its the Atari reject beat or maybe its the hat-cat-bat rhyme scheme. I dont know. What I do know is that it literally hurts my ears. I have been party to many a terrible song, even liked a few, but this song is just too much. You know what? It aint even really his fault, but I am still punching this nucca on sight just off GP...4. Tyler Hansbrough-This is actually kind of a compliment. This dude has beasted my favorite college basketball team, Duke, for 3 yrs now...This SOB continues to come down court and hit the weirdest shots i have ever seen. Not only that, he also finds a way to drop like 40 pts likes its nothing. I respect his game dont get me wrong, but you cant just put up 28-12 on Duke for 3 years and not expect a Cam Crazy to do something, well, crazy...on second thought, he's got like a good foot and a half on me so uh-ra...
4. Adam Vinatieri-Yeah that's better...I know the man was just doing his job but he took our Superbowl away(2004-Carolina panthers for you newcomers...And, yes I am still bitter about it!!!) so my man gotta feel something off the strength ...actually, a punch in the gut wouldn't be fair...maybe Ill just give him a charlie horse or something, but its gotta be something.
3. Jeremiah Wright-If you haven't heard, this is Presidential candidate Barack Obama's church pastor who was recently recorded saying grossly inappropriate comments(in church no less) both racial and gender based that would make Farrakhan blush. Now, I generally don't make it a habit of assailing men of the cloth but this nucca is wilding. I have a problem with anyone that uses religion to further personal preferences or beliefs, but its more than that. Doesn't this man realize what the hell we're trying to do here? Doesn't he realize what kind of historic precedent we can accomplish in Novemeber? SHUT THE HELL UP... Barack already has enough problems with his Arabic name, the republican political machine, and a reliably superficial American constituency without you and your silly ass comments giving his opponents fodder. Hey, I would usually blame a voting public for caring about superficial topics instead of hardcore issues but I don't see that fact changing for a while(ill do my best to help this but I am not making any promises). Until we care about the issues(the economy, foreign policy, etc) instead of silliness(what someone said like 25 yrs ago, what someone did like 25 years ago, etc) you need to keep your yap shut. Expect a swift punch in the gut if i ever see you...Oh, it might behoove you to read the Red Writing in the Bible before you go off on your racist(yes, black folks can be racist, too) tirades...Jeeeeee-zus i can't believe this nucca...Let's just keep it moving...
2. Anyone who passes judgement on hip-hop without even listening-Man, I get so fucking tired of people who got something to say about rap when its obvious that they don't even listen to it. This means you Oprah, Bill Ho-Reilly, Delores tucker(old school reference i know but she still pisses me off...congressional hearing? For Tupac? Really?) All they know is that the public is outraged about something so they feel the need to join in on the protest. I know that rappers can be homophobic and misogynistic at times but damn, there are rappers who don't speak even curse , have a range of topics and try to raise consciousness about the black struggle. Why don't you talk about them? Hmm? Besides, most rappers refer to just hoes and bitches in their music. Man, a ho is a ho; a bitch is a bitch(peep Jay-z's "niggas and bitches"for a distinct clarification). They just happen to be women b/c most rappers are men. They are not talking about all women, geesh. Whats the impetus to even take it there? Moreover, to extrapolate to a population, don't you need a representative sample? A few rappers is not enough to assume in the first damn place. I know these people don't really listen to hip-hop because if they really gave a listen to whats out there, they wouldn't just give a blanket generalization of the music. There are a lot of things wrong with hip-hop(as well as rock and pop) but we got it. The fans will try and fix it ourselves. We don't need your help because its obvious that you don't understand whats going on ...ooooooooooo, you guys so got a jab coming...I cant even think straight. Let's just move on....1. The soon to be former chief executive that shall remain nameless in this blog-Unless you have been on the planet Trafalmadore with Billy Pilgrim for the past seven years, you know exactly who I am talking about and exactly why I wanna slug him. Unlike the other selections on the list that may eventually be removed or trumped, its on like popcorn forever with this man...
Bruce Eagle the full metal. Peace!!!
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