Loquacious Levity 10-15-2008

Hey, Did you know that in February 2009 that cable is switching to digital? So, if you have an analog box or a t.v. with rabbit ears...

So, How bout those Yankees...hahaha, i guess Torre was your good luck charm...

Have you ever went out drinking on Thursday night and got hammered and the only way you can remember what happened is through sudden flashbacks like the dude from Memento? So you are at your computer at work the next day and all of a sudden its…OH MY GOD, I peed my pants last night…No? Me neither…

Here let me have a minute with my man Juice…Orenthal James SIMPSON…What the in the flying fuck at a rolling donut(big ups to Vonnegut for that one) is wrong with you!!!! YOU LET THEM GET YOU …Damn, juice we all know you did it. That aint the point. The point was it was so obvious that you did it and GOT away with it…All the lynchings, all the violations of due process black folk had to deal with for centuries and we had finally got one over after all these years!!!…Juice you didn’t win that for you. YOU WON IT FOR US… …And you let them get you anyway…Its not for murder true, some b.s. theft and kidnapping charge…but THEY GOT YOU nonetheless…Fuck it, Juice. I am through with you…

Foreshadowing: Baaaaaa....only sorry you got c-aaaaaaa-aught

Is it just me or has McCain's campaign been immensely unrepublican? I dont mean that its not with out that subtle classist and racist undertone, but where the hell is the political savvy? Say what you want about the Repubs, but those are some political animals...Had us wrapped around their finger for 8 years...oh and lets not even talk about the 80's and the early 90's...Not that I mind this one bit, but i feel like we are being slighted. Like the democrats are beating up on the Republicans, but its like beating the patriots with out tom brady...Phyrric. This victory will be tarnished(and there is sufficient enough time to f-this one up too, but its looking good). Never thought i'd acutally miss Karl Rove...he was a political bad-ass...

Did I just call Karl Rove a bad-ass?…wow

For the sake of appearances, literally and figuratively, shouldn't John McCain just drop out of the election? This is the best looking election, well, ever. All the candidates but him are good-looking (no homo). McCain is lowering the beauty quotient...substantially

Theoretically, if guys are going to give the "no homo" if they even allude to the fact that another man might be handsome, shouldn't the same thing go for when they say a nucca is ass-ugly? You are still judging a man…

It only took one of the most laughable caricatures of a politician in Sarah Palin to bring glory back SNL. Its like its Dan quayle all over again...POTATOS!!!!

OH MY GOD, I got shot down by a lady with a mustache and musty armpits…

Hey, isn't Frank caliendo going to lose a good third of his act when President B...oh my bad, the soon to be former chief executive who shall remain nameless in this blog (ahh, thats better) steps down(technically, he never really built a platform so I dont know what he would step down from. Ba-dum-ching!! Thank you thank you…). He better hope John Madden lives forever...

You ever just get the feeling that one day you'll wake up and its the first day of Kindergarten? I don’t know if that would suck or not...On one hand you really get to start over and really make a killing on Super Bowl bets, but damn you would have to do everything over again...

And, that would be a really long dream...

OH on that note, will people stop getting so out done over “god damn it” Its not cursing at God, its asking God to curse something…I admit it sounds a bit harsh, but there is no better phrase for being stuck in traffic, getting the wrong food after you drive away from the drive thru, getting out the frustrations at work, or when Steve Smith drops a pass that bastard should have caught…I mean, it was right in your hands, its was a crisp pass and you dropped it…we could have gotten back into the game you bum…GODDAMN IT!!! See? (seriously though, Steve smith is so nice on the field, I would marry his hands if I could…)

No homo, btw…

What if we are as smart as we are ever going to be as infants? The only thing we are missing is speech. It would appear that all evidence in adults substantiates the claim...

How in the hell do we know we only use 10% of our brains. Isnt it our brain that’s telling us that? How do we even know the other 90% is useable? It could just be the biological equivalent of packaging Styrofoam…

I don’t know, man…F-it, Juice…Ima stick with you…I can’t stay mad at you…You were Norberg for Christs Sake…


Aren't all questions answered by rhetoric rhetorical questions?

OH MY GOD, I sung Everybody Hurts at Karaoke last night and cried so much I couldn’t finish the song…

People say don't waste your breath, but we dont know how many breathes we get...Shoot if I live to 100(doubt that, either the 'Ports or the man's or some pissed off badger’s (don't even ask) gonna do me in), what's a few breaths here and there...I think St. Peter does some accounting when you reach the gates anyway. Like he sees you gave some breath to charity here...someone owed you some breath there...and he sends you back for a few more months to get those breathes back...

Whenever you see a depiction of heaven, there is always a line...I like the metaphor because everyone wants to get to heaven, but one would think the most perfect place in existence would be more efficient...Hey, maybe there's beauracracy even there...Like you have to have Peter sign you in, then you go to another line where Jesus has to sign take your...ahh, f-it, you get the point...

Hey, what if every religion gets a heaven...I wonder would a buddist heaven have a buffet with buddah ladeling out clear broth and salisbury steak...

Word Power: Smollette- noun (SMOW-let), the situation that arises when person’s finger breaks through the toilet paper and slids into the anus…

I am still trying to figure out if Keanu Reeves can act. I mean, what if the back story for every character he’s ever played is a guy who flunked out of acting school? Even Neo (that’s why he had to work in that office, cus he didn’t make it as an actor)…If that’s true, then he is a genius!!!!

I could have sworn Rihanna could sing. She ripped that "Unfaithful" track she had a while back. I mean, she won’t no Whitney in her prime but who is? Jeeezus, now she sounds like a sheep doing a Keith Sweat impersonation.

What is it about male feces that just makes it stick to the bottom of our underwear (It happens to us all...Don't EVEN front)...I think it’s the high beef content...

Am I the only one that wants the steroid era in baseball back?

ok...ok...The top five things that need to stop right f-ing now...

5. The Voicebox in music-Guys it was pretty cool at first. It had an eighties throwback feel to it and Kanye's verse on that "Put on" wouldn't be as hot with out it("I put ooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnn), but does it really need to be in every song now? Everything in moderation people...

4. The skinny jeans on men-Word, so you mean to tell me all this time I could have been wearing straight leg jeans? I dissed Lee jeans all this time for nothing! F-THAT...and put a few more inches on that waistseam homie...I can see your unborn babies...

3. Women that think all they have to offer in a relationship is poon-Ok I am willing to concede that some of this is due to men's overvaluing of vagina...and us paying exorbitantly to get it(yes, TI it IS tricking if you got it, cus you tricking her into thinking that poon is all she has to offer). I mean, most women my age don’t even know how to cook that well (hey did that read as 1950’s as it sounded in my head?) They go out to party with no money (the cute ones anyway). They dont pay bills...hold up…that’s a pretty sweet gig now that I think about it...shoot, ladies I cant even hate...ok so...

3. Gas stations with no Gas-so your primary function is to provide gas right...so WHY THE HELL AINT YOU GOT ANY...? Wow, man...10 years ago if you would have told me I could go to exxon for gas and there wouldnt be any...wow...does this scare the shit out of anyone but me? They dont call 'em fossil fuels, cus they make ugly ass watches...Once its gone...well, you know the rest

2. Baseball taking its sweet damn time-I like baseball, i really do. There is no better way to spend a summer day than to overpay for hot dogs and sweat your butt off at a ball park. But, come on yall you dont care that a nigga got to go to work tomorrow? The batter has to knock the dirt of his cleats(never really got that one...you have to put your foot right back in the dirt), spit, swing the bat a few times, fart, call his mama, and pay some bills...and that is just between pitches when the pitcher actually deems it worthy to finally throw the ball...I guess baseball really is america's game...You have people complaining about the number of hispanics(really just peep the subtly when someone calls in to a sports radio show about the Mets), it takes for ever for something to get done(a hit), and when it does there is no guarantee that it will pay off(stranded runners), Only a few people are doing something at one time and the rest just stand around and watching(that’s pretty much Congress right there…)

1. Bruce Eagle taking a month between posts-my bad...I'll get better I promise(but what is a bruce eagle promise...?). Give me a break. I have at least kept my word for about 10 words... See you tomorrow and as always:


Bruce Eagle the full metal. Peace!!!