Headlines...

-Congress admits that other problems plauging america too hard to fix, rather focus on steroids

-Brett favre to start a charity org., "A Gunslinger's Hope", dedicated to feeding hungry defensive backs interceptions

-A Roger Clemens's physical did not reveal a third ear rather a third test-ticle

-Tracy McGrady's right eye vows to hit the gym, stop being lazy

-Charles Barkley adds chicken marsala to his fav five

-Fred Taylor's Groin and Ken Griffey's hamstring to start support group for battered athlete body parts.

-A federal investigation is probing whether Barry Bonds lied about stains in his underwear being chocolate

-Global oil reserves dwindling, Quinn Snyder and Pat riley said to be very upset

-Andy Pettite divorces wife and marries A-rod's daughter, Subsequently arrested for pedophilia

-On the Maury Povich show, Bill Belicheck found to be the father of Monayhan's baby, Commissioner Goddell to review sex tape.

-Saints fans who loaned paper bags to Texans fans may need them back

-Timothy McVeigh to start for new Oklahoma City NBA team.

-Fouth person tense created to allow self-centered athletes to quote themselves referring to themselves in past interviews

Bruce Eagle the full metal. Peace!!!