Puerile Passages(aka Loquacious Levity) 6-5-2009

Hey, do atheists say T.G.I.F.??

The day I can't laugh at a good fart joke...just strike me down then and there.

What ever happened to underwear with your name in it?

I may be a little biased here but, I would have hated to be a little girl. They don’t get to do ANYTHING...a little boy can come up dipped in mud(been there done dat) and it’s all good, "boys will be boys...but if a little girl did that...it’s a straight AW...

So, my friend and yours, commissioner of RPW wrestling association, the guy whose name means blessed giver of the epidural to the Virgin Mary in Swahili, Scoesese Jenkins, is getting married in a year or so...So, since he is a wrestling fan, we were thinking about cutting promos for his reception entrance...HOW PLAYER IS THAT, MAN!!! "And now hailing from parts unknown, holder of the Intercontinental Leg Lock Championship, Scoesese Jenkins" and he comes in with his groomsman all wearing belts. that would be GANGSTA!!! hahahaha...

Hey, what happened to the Atkins Diet??

If I were up for the death penalty(hey, its possible I'm still young), my last meal would be something like broccoli, a lot of beef, and some apples...just as a last F-you to the world. Imagine what it would smell like("what that smell like"..."unforgivable")...you have burning flesh and an awesome bowel evacuation that would smell like old bus seats and Rosie O’Donnell’s dirty underwear...

I don’t know about you but that last paragraph was HILARIOUS to me...guess I won’t be getting struck down anytime soon!!!

2.5%:percentage of people who are actually sick when they take a sick day at work. With the number of people bringing their germ filled asses to work when they are sick...that’s GOTTA be the number...

Just b/c I can: COOTIES!!!

I am just waiting for a divorce settlement where Facebook is heavily involved..."Your Honor, I knew he was cheating on me(and lets be honest only a man would get caught cheating on facebook) b/c he commented on a bathing suit picture...that b****h didn’t even look that good...He has to be cheating with her...he loves fat women..."

You ever notice at the gym that you can’t get a machine from like spring to September?? But in January you could hurl a free weight and not hit a soul...

I wonder is it grammatically illegal for two homonyms to be together in the same sentence??

You know what one of the funniest word combinations to me is: the words stool and softener...I just love what it implies...Wouldn’t need a stool softener if you didn’t have hard stools...doesn't it just give you visual of someone trying to crap a bar stool??
The always classy Bruce Eagle, lady and gentleman...

-14: the number of people who actually know the second verse to the national anthem...I don’t even think Francis Scott Key knows it...

I wonder what an MRI for Wolverine would look like...would the machine just break or would he get stuck in it??

If you are expecting some hard-hitting, change the world prose in this PP post...You may wanna leave now

HAHAHA, I said PP Post...ill just be putting on my footie pajamas right now...

Dude, how stupid were we in kindergarten not to appreciate nap time...sometimes I just think back to all those naps I shunned and say damn!!!

How long before they start teaching "reality show acting techniques" to drama majors? You know, how to act indignant on the 18th take of you not getting your nonfat caramel mochachino or how to act like you really care that someone ate a piece of you cake in a house full of people or how to act like you are seriously in love with aging rockers or guys who looks like a old chewing gum on the street...Its coming people and its gonna be a sad day...

Hey, What happened to sugar babies??

Ok, watching Kill Bill 2 the other day...and, I was cool with digging yourself out of a grave or pulling out someone's eye, but I am sorry AINT NO CHILD gonna sleep through not one gun shot but TWO...get the bump outta here...

NEWS FLASH: The "l" in Sa"L"mon is silent...Its pronounced CARE-A-mel not Car-Mail...there is no such word as irregardless(seriously, you should ridiculous)...there has never been a fruit called a skrawberry or a sea creature called a skrimp...no one has ever lived on a skreet, EVER...just letting you know...

13: the number of people who get 100 out of 100 on their written driver's test...

249,999,000: the rest of America who barely pass the damn thing...Obviously

Seriously, stop trying to sag straight leg jeans!!! It ain't working playa!!!

I wonder if there are actors at home kicking themselves b/c they turned down something like the wolverine part or Aragon or terminator or rocky or John McClane saying "nah the movie ain’t gonna amount to nothing..."

I always wondered how do you get roosters to fight in a cockfight? Chickens ain’t that aggressive...they are chickenhearted, remember...Do you quietly talk about their mamas? Or step on their Reebok classics or spit on them?? Or do you just say "loser is dinner" and that gets it popping??

Just b/c I can: BOOBIES!!!

It’s funny what puberty does to a little boy...it goes from ewww, girls have cooties to oohhh, girls have boobies...

Can we pass a law that men in pornos have to shut the hell up?? Dude, seriously!!! I always have fantasies all the time where another guy is there moaning...Not cool!!!

True Story: Ok so my manz is making out with this chick at my house. We are about 14 or so at the time. So, the door is closed and I am just chilling playing look out in the den. It's all good until my pops rolls up. Now, we gotta scramble like Cambell right...Mind you, its about 35 steps from My dad's truck to the house and I am fiddling with the back door and I finally get it open and the chick doesn’t wait until I get the screen door open...she runs straight through it like Wil E. Coyote or something...The screen door comes clean off and me and my manz are trying to get it back up when my dad finally walks through the door. He looks and me and says "what happened"...I said "me and my friend were wrestling and we went through the door(hey, it was the best I could do in a split second)" My dad replies, "All that space in the back yard and yall wrestle here?", not believing a word of it...he let it ride though as another silly act from his silly child...ahh, the good ole days...HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, Dad!!!

Seriously, Next time this barista fixes my car-mail macchiato with skrimps instead of skrawberries I will bodyslam him on the skreet, irregardless of whose watching...

Why is 12-5 on Friday even counted as work??

7: the number of blog posts I've written when I WASN'T supposed to be doing something else...

7,123: the number of times I've played Madden when WAS supposed to be doing something else!!

0: Number of girlfriends that actually like the game Madden

Seriously, what’s up with that?....Its like Madden and girlfriends are natural enemies like cheetahs and gazelles...Its always something like "why don’t you get something we both can play" Ok, baby you just hold you breath for me buying that American Idol game...go 'head do it...Itll be tomorrow I promise...

What ever happened to Western Sizzlin?

Have you noticed how big the boobs are in Japanese manga(aka comic books)...I guess they know their audience!!

Would you rather: have sex with Gloria Allred or have carnivorous earwigs gently nibble at your cerebellum...

How can you not like the Kobe and Lebron puppet commercials...Ain’t been this much fun with puppets since Lambchop...

Where in the hell do they get those prices for the "Price is right"?

On that note, when's the last time you used some Doan's...they are always either sponsoring the show or they are in some kinda pricing game...

Is there someone getting into a fight right now trying to defend themselves with Tae-bo?

43%: the percentage of the population with hard stools...

Yep, still funny!!!

Ok, I am getting pissed now!!! Are we ever getting another "Chapelle Show"? Ok, dave, you took a little break but now "YOU GET A JOB"!!!

Can we make "professional student" a paying gig? That would be the best job ever!!

Ima go ahead and say this now: No, I don’t wanna hear about your fantasy football team...

F Vegetables...Matter of fact, F ALL TABLES

Why haven’t made the full conversion to Digital Cable signals yet...

Do you ever think that they lowered the quality of regular television so they are able to charge for HDTV??

Pepsi is the worst...You mean for a limited time I can get REAL SUGAR!!! Why only for a limited time? I ain’t worth real sugar!! A brother can’t get a few cubes here or there? Damn, Pepsi I thought we was tight!

Hey whatever happened to athletic socks? You know, the ones with the three red stripes?

Just b/c I can: Who pooted??

You ever had someone ask you to pick up something for them and you get it wrong, but they get mad at YOU...My bad but you know how you could have gotten exactly what you wanted, perfectly to a "T"? Get it yourself!!
Just b/c I can: Spoinkbucket!!

So now we are in the NBA finals and I like the Lakers b/c Kobes is my manz...How am I a fronter? I root for them all year. I just don’t like to watch regular season B-ball until like 30 games left. Sorry, game 13 in an 82 game season ain’t important enough...I got madden to play and girlfriends to ignore...

Isn’t it fronting to root for the underdog? Especially, if you don’t even think they can win...They are not called UNDERdogs b/c they are a cartoon from the 70's...they are not as good...

So my car got broken into the other day but the thief didn’t take the clothes that were in there(what they ain’t good enough?) or the luggage(again, ain’t good enough?) this NIGGA TOOK MY VITAMINS...THAT’S F-ED UP!!! What, you were low on folic acid? Not enough riboflavin so you gotta go a take my vitamins...Man, the world sometimes, you know?

Doesn’t Stan Van Gundy dress like an old English teacher? Or a kooky art teacher? I can Imagine him saying "people people please...bring some old egg cartons to school tomorrow..."

Hey, What happened to people wondering what happened??

Bruce Eagle the full grown baby. Peace!!!