Loquacious Levity 1-9-2009

YOOO!!! Merry New Year People. YA BOY IS BACK!!! How have the first 9 days been treating you?

Hey, Um I dont know if you are aware of this but: There is a African-American President elect...Don't know how you get you information with out LL but yea...

Is there a female equivalent to "blue balls"? Pink ovaries? Or would it be Red Pads??

Need a loan? I suggest you start an automobile company or bank and run that mutha straight into the ground...I think that'll do the trick...

I don't think Oedipus was so bad...Maybe the brother just had a hot mom...and as far as killing his pops...how do YOU get rid of Your competition...Seems pretty efficient to me...

Obscure Tangent #1(technically every paragraph is but hey): I dont know about you but I would have Loved to be the officers giving Charles Barkley his sobriety test before he got arrested for his DUI recently. He was probably walking in a crooked line talking crap about how the officer needs to shut up and work on his pepper spray fundamentals...

How can a game be called a neutral site game(BCS Championship game, Tampa) when one of the teams is from that same STATE...Oklahoma probably still would have gotten beat b/c Tebow is just too much of a threat(you put a QB spy on him and he throws to a reciever; drop more men in coverage he just runs again) add that with a defense with the speed of the Flash on amphetimines and well you get an L for the opponents...still doesnt seem fair though...Oh, we may need to think about some Counsel or therapy for OU fans. THATS FIVE STRAIGHT BCS losses for the burgandy bandits...Jee-bus what in the hell does Stoopes have to do to get fired? Slap Moses?


Peep the subtle reverse racism: When a black quarterback can run and is moderately accurate, then THAT brother is the #1 pick, but when a white quaterback(Tebow) does it, that w-other gets "oh he'll never make it in the NFL as a quarterback..."...Hey, WHITE FOLKS CAN RUN TOO...just b/c white running backs and recievers are about as common as a hookers without herpes...that doesn't mean they can't be athletic...


Hookers Without Herpes...hmm, wouldnt that be a good name for an Indie Rock group...

Between Jasmine Sullivan's "I bust the windows out your car"(oh word, I bust the teeth out of your face...not saying I condone that but umm...messing with a man's car isnt exactly the best way to get a brother to act rationally) and Beyonce talking about "did i mention, don't pay him any attention(oook...B but that nigga is over there massaging a cat like Dr. Claw, laughing maniacally and twirling a live hand grenade...Kinda hard NOT to notice him), somebody's relationship is gonna end in murder...I'm just saying ladies...niggas are crazy!!!


Oh, btw TROPIC THUNDER MAYBE THE FUNNIEST MOVIE SINCE ANCHORMAN...If Robert Downey, Jr. doesnt get an Oscar for that, I will lose faith in humanity. How can you be in the 2008 equivalent to blackface and STILL get a laugh out of black folk...The movie was funny all the way through(you know how comedies eventually stop being funny and start trying to tell a story...) and poked fun at Nelly...Gotta love that!

Apparently, Obama is already meeting opposition from various interest groups...The Feminists(or pre-lesbians as I like to call 'em...nah, j/k ladies...kinda) say he is already going back on promises and the Gays are like he never really cared b/c he's recruited Rick Warren to do his invocation...Really, guys? The brother aint even PRESIDENT YET!!! Jeee-buss!!!, its gonna be an interesting 4 years, I tell you what(tm Hank Hill)...I dont care how the next 4 years go, quite frankly. Just seeing white folk trying to hide their fear and disappointment the next day was WELL worth it...even though black folk probably would have rioted if we lost...Shoot I know brothers that were like "i HOPE this nigga loses...I need a new TV!"

I wonder what the temperature of a fat man's fart in a sauna would be? 175 degrees? 273?

I am convinced that the country will NEVER be truly happy until we get a BCS Playoff in place...You know until its actually in place and we bitch about that too...Screw economic solvency and unemployment rates!!!

Seriously though, why are people asking OBAMA to change the BCS? Why do we even care? Have these people seen a paper lately?

Actually, with all these newspapers folding, probably not ...

Gas is back below 2 bones(Thank ya, Jee-Bus!!!)...So all that conservation crap I was talking a few months back...SCREW IT. If OPEC can cut oil production and gas drops, then apparently we must have enough to spare. Hey, stock market speculators are pretty spot on so that MUST be the reason...Look at how they predicted the housing crash!!

How many of your new years resolutions did you end up keeping for 2008? I was at about a .5 success rate...And, nine days in, '09 resolutions aint looking to be kept either...

True Story: So, this man gives his wife his kidney. Nothing out of the ordinary. Generally want to keep your wife alive, right? However, it turns out she ran around on this man and they end up getting divorce. The brother wants his kidney back or the cash equivalent. HAHAHA YOU GO BOY!!! I hope he wins! Divorce laws are biased towards men(true we're usually the ones f-ing up but still it aint right). Plus, it will set a HELL of a precedent. Sure, you can get custody of the kids, but i want custody of your organs, BEE-YOTCH!!! or the cash equivalent of my heart you ripped and stepped on...


Homeboy is better than me though...F the cash equivalent. Give me my damn kidney back!!! I wouldnt even have it reinstalled in my lower back...I'd just keep it in a jar and send her pictures of it every month like " how's your urinary system!!!"

Of course, this man could've been an asshole with one good deed in his whole life...most likely...Still pulling for ya though, bruh!


Obsure tangent #2: How in the hell could ANYbody deny the Holocaust? Really? "Hey man, 6 million people just got on trains for a friendly trip. That's all. Just because you never heard anything from the majority of them again doesn't mean they just up and disappeared. Not to mention the pollution in Germany was just really bad at the time. That was in NO way the ash of human flesh" Wow, the mind can convince itself of anything. ..

Whoopi Goldberg is sexy as hell!! Pot is a dangerous drug and detriment to society as a whole!! Trickle down economics work!! Ok, so maybe not all the time

It must suck to be a sports talk radio host sometimes...Its one of those jobs that everyone with a voice box thinks he/she could do. Many great jobs are like that(acting, rapping, etc) but that is the only one where people can call you and actually tell you about it...

Another time travel fantasy: I want to go back in just spy on some of this hallowed atheletes of the past. Like the only one we really hear that was a straight bastard was Ty Cobb and that's only b/c that nigga was epic! Most athletes of today that AREN'T named Adam "Pacman" Jones are getting into trouble that we all get into from time to time. You get caught slipping with a little too much alcohol or pot...you have a few too many babies out of wedlock...you know, the usual. Then, come the media talking "oh these athletes today are out of control" The egos yes, but its not just them. We are ALL out of control...its just that everyone doesnt have a camera on them all the time...You would probably see things infinitely more evil than what some of these athletes do if you follow the average person around. I bet if you followed Jonny Unitas around all the time, he would F up too...

Now that we gonna have a black president(lets hope.. its a long 12 days from now), can we put an end to the "nigga" thing? It is now officially ok for white folks to use "nigga" in the colloquial sense . To tell the truth, we always knew when white folks meant it as a slang term. We just really had nothing else to hold over you. And, the slavery thing was getting a little old...That is not to say saying NIGGER wont get you an old fashioned AW...Still, might wanna hold off on that one...still too soon

Someone had the NERVE, the UNMITIGTED GALL, the BRASS BALLS, to even insinuate that SLASH from Guns 'n' Roses made the group legendary. Granted, "November Rain" nor "Estranged"nor "Welcome to the Jungle" would have been epic without slash's GHEE-TAR solos, but lets be feasible here...I like curly-haired Jewish guitarists like the next man, but THIS IS AXEL FUCKING ROSE we are talking about here...I just dont buy...especially if its the new album...If axel is on the mic and he doesnt rock, that would ruin a GREAT childhood mancrush...ON that note...

The five best lead singers of a rock band...

5. Anthony Kedis-Wow Kedis ROCKS!!! He is to this day the only rocker who dropped heroin and got BETTER...and the brother can sing, never wears a shirt, and has probably the most kick-ass tattoo covering his back...If that ain't rock and roll, I dont know what is...

4. Scott Weiland-And a close second for the guy who got better when he dropped heroin...it was touch and go there for a minute, but he has found new life with "Velvet Revolver"and I am happy for him...I still think Stone Temple Pilots had the BEST MTV's Unplugged album ever. Jee-bus the acoustic version of "Plush" will change your life...

3. Kurt Kobain-Nirvana's songs were like 4 minute fever dreams with nothing really making sense(well, to me anyway), but it did not matter in the first. The pure angst in the words and the pain in his voice made every song an adventure. In a paradox, the same pain that made his voice great swallowed him whole. As is often the case, the weight of genius only benefits the populace, not the carrier...

2. Robert Plant-I know, I know...I just de-legitimized my little countdown by putting one of the greatest rock singers ever at number 2. This man is awesome, just awesome. You wanna know how to sing the blues? Listen to "Since I've been loving you" You wanna know how to wail? Listen to "The Rain Song". Its just hard to quantify his raw ethos on the mic. The man just makes me feel something with every song. My mind is mere putty. Mold me Robbie!!! I just can't give him number one for 2 reasons...2)Even though he made it his own, he just kinda copied american rhythm and blues and of course, literally the number 1 reason is :

(1) Axel Fucking Rose-Come on now, man crush!!!

Bruce Eagle the Full Metal. Peace!!!