Loquacious Levity 4-22-2008

Goldfish. What in the hell is wrong with them. So what I put too much food in your tank. You have to eat it all until you die? Damn. But hey, if you want to teach your kids about life and death, get 'em a damn goldfish(I'm a little bitter yes..I loved that damn goldfish)...I bring up goldfish because as frustrating as it is to own them just to watch them die, its a perfect metaphor for the dangers of gluttony. Too much money will be the death of you(obtaining it or showing too much of it). Too much food will be the death of you(did we really need "Super Size Me" to tell us that McDonald's will kill you? For Christ's sake, too much celery will kill ya). Contrarily, too much of this blog will cause

intentional incidents of intellect stimulus or it'll kill ya...a toss-up really.

On that note, the only valid reason to criminalize marijuana would be if humans died like goldfish when they ate too much (indirectly, yes you will of course, but it wont be as instant as a goldfish. Probably lose a foot or something first). Can you imagine the widespread carnage when the munchies hit after a Grateful Dead Concert? OD'ing off Twinkies!!! It would be horrid!!! Luckily that ain't the case...HAPPY BELATED 4/20, to all my Potheads out there.

If you didn't know how random I can be by these LL posts, let me help you visualize: on my coffee table right now is a bowl of chicken bones and a bottle of acetone...Delicious!!!

Isaiah Thomas has been let go as coach of the NY Knicks. 'Bout F-ing time... He wasn't fired from the organization altogether however he was given another position in the organization. In this newly created position, he cannot have contact with the team(to many a knick fans delight), he has no one reporting to him, and he will not make any decisions. Sounds like a crock right? BOLLOCKS!!! Even though he is an administrative neuter, the brother still gets paid 18 Million for doing AB-SO-LUTE-LEEEEE NOTHING!!!!! Hahaha, sweet! So I don't have to stop asking the Isaiah Thomas job security question after all(woo, that was close), but I will tweak it a little...

Ask yourself: Don't you wish you had Isaiah Thomas's job? 18 million for doing jack shit...cant beat that with a flat-footed, slow center with a heart problem.

When Shakespeare said in Macbeth "it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury; signifying nothing", do you think he was talking about Airport Security? 300 and some years earlier. Damn, the man was good.

I consider myself a wordsmith but I could have never come up with such a clinical and sterile term for the slaughter of millions of people. The term is Ethic Cleansing...I sarcastically tip my hat to you Slobodan...

I guess to his defense, if you name your son slobodan, you kinda gotta figure he's gonna wild out eventually.

I heard the the Pope, with all solemnity, finished his Mass at Yankee Stadium with "Fuck da Sox." I don't know though. It sounds fishy. Can I get some confirmation on this? You'd think he would be an Anaheim Angels fan, but hey anything is possible (Oh yeah, just bought my ticket to hell with that one).

OK, so Obscure Countdown week kinda petered out. I went of vacation. Hey, being a lazy blogger with unorthodox prose is tiring DAMMIT! But uh-ra...ima start it back next month, definitely...probably...certainly...maybe...

On that note...You know what phrase many people(i think even Shakespeare) use from time to time that makes absolutely no sense(no, not "irregardless"...)? Its when someone says, "when and if something happens..." "When" represents certainty and "If" represents probability. It can't occur at the same time...either its certain or its not...It confuses the hell out of me...like "When and If we get married..." What? Are you telling me its definitively probable or probably definitive? Its like verbally hedging your bets. Pick a side dammit.

Will people stop saying that "if we weren't in Iraq, gas prices would be even higher" because that is COMPLETE bullshit...We have been in and out of the middle east for one reason or another since Reagan and gas prices have just now gotten out of control...To say that, to even think that, will continue to give commodity crazy presidents a reason to start wars for oil over there...and the need for oil is only gonna get worse, people. Oil reserves are dwindling...When there's scarcity, there will be blood...no "if" just a matter of "when". We do not need empty rhetoric to make things worse ....so let's nip this little sentiment in the bud now, shall we, before OUR kids are fighting over there, too

Man, I turn 26 in a few months...its gonna suck not to be in the hot demographic anymore(18-25)...Does this mean that Budweiser commercials won't be funny to me anymore? Maxim magazine will lose its "feel" or better yet I will lose my feel on me hovering over it?? Well, i guess....we'll...just..see about the Budweiser commercials, anyway. I don't think I will ever grow out of scantily clad women. Just don't see it.

Barack Obama recently made some comments about small town xenophobia that we're DEAD FUCKING ON...I am from a small town(Kinston, NC...BABY!!!) and what he said about hating immigrants or minorities b/c they are easier to blame one's problems on and that the general disenfranchisement of the proletariat(sorry reading "1984" now...the general population) towards the government causes them to focus on inane issues is, I repeat, dead fucking on!!! We don't like change. We don't like outsiders. Most people are broke where I come from. The blacks blame the whites for their situation. The whites blames the blacks. They both blame the immigrants. The apathy towards government is staggering. Nothing ever changes. Our whole fucking state is broke, etc, etc, etc. But, politicians look at us and call us the "salt of the earth" like we fucking like our situations. Like it fucking makes up for the lack of state funding, the way farmers can't pay their bills anymore, the way you only listen to us every 4 yrs. Yes, we are pissed, but we dont know where to channel our anger. Most politicians just try to placate us instead of actually helping us...

Of course, Obama's refreshing and insightful comments were taken the wrong way. However, I like how he never rescinded his statement just clarified it. He never backed down or compromised his overall stance. A politician with BALLS(the metaphorical kind pretty sure most of them have the anatomical ones...). GOT DAMN that is refreshing, but alas...*SIGH*I really liked you, Obama, but you are not gonna make it very far telling the public what they NEED to hear instead than telling them what they WANT to hear...too bad though...he would have made a GREAT president when and if he was elected...

See it doesn't make any sense...

Bruce Eagle the Full Metal. Peace!!!