Loquacious Levity 4-13-2009

Hey, you know every time you see accolades for cars its usually some kind of JD Power and associates award Well…who in the hell is JD powers, anyway??? And, why should I respect his opinion…He could be a whino or a Tarheel fan for all I know…

Speaking of that…when a sports team name is plural like the Miami Dolphins or the Tampa bay Bumshanks (panthers fan remember???) and you want to refer to a single fan…is it Bumshanks fan or Bumshank fan???

So grammatically it goes, in a set of two choices there is the former (First choice) and the latter (2nd choice)…Do you ever know anyone who chooses the former? Ever?

There is a comedy troupe named “Lonely Island”(pretty much the parody song guys from SNL) and they have a album out now…The first single is “I’m on a boat” with T-pain. CLASSIC("I'm on a boat mutha f***er don't you ever forget it"…Its actually one of the best parody albums ive ever heard…Its pretty much the ONLY parody album I’ve heard but its still surprisingly hot…not just funny but the songs are good too…Even though “D**K in a box”("see i'm wise enough to know when a gift needs giving...ITS MY DICK IN A BOX!!!") is a joke song, its still one of the best I’ve heard in a min. Good job guys…

I was recently asked by a female friend in frustration: with all women have to go through in life, menstruation, pregnancy and childbirth, and then menopause just for a cherry on top, what do men have deal with???”

My response: women…

Relax, it was just a joke, ladies (kinda…)

It’s pretty cool to be someone who tells jokes all the time…if you ever offend someone you could just play it off as a joke

Who in the hell keeps raising the damn tipping percentages??? Can we vote on this, at least?? And, I am, for better or worse, me, so you know I have to go here: 1) if the waiters don’t set menu prices…what does a percentage of my meal have to do with them…I spend 30 dollars on two drinks and two meals…What’s the outstanding work for that!! 2) If it’s damn near mandatory, why are we still calling it a tip?? I would really shut my mouth about this if it were called a service charge…nah, not really. 3) If you are late with our food and we have to hunt you down for more liquids, why do you still think you deserve a tip??

And, I know someone is gonna say, “I was a waiter in college. I would have starved without the tips!!” Tell me how is that MY fault?? When did the onus of actually paying you become MY problem?? I AINT YOUR BOSS. If I am, then let me get your SSN so I can fill out your W2!!…Don’t get me wrong, ill tip for EXEMPLARY service and even regular service, but damn man supporting you shouldn’t be my responsibility. I am just trying to take my old lady out on the town…

And, ok, I am just gonna come out and say it: you are just walking back and forth…come on…do we tip the cooks? Do we tip the restaurant manager?? There are a lot of people that work harder than a waiter in a restaurant that we are not federally mandated to tip… Hey, I worked in a dish room at a buffet. Did ANYONE come back there a tip us for the abundance of clean plates?? I am just saying…get over yourselves

Relax, it was just a joke, waiters (nah, not really…)

With that last rant, I feel like I am in the first scene of Reservoir Dogs…but hey, it’s called Loquacious Levity…not Original Opinions…on that note: Good look, George Carlin for the format…

Tiger Woods or not: golf is still the worst game on earth…Now, miniature golf on the other hand…CLASSIC…

I’m thinking mini golf is actually harder than “real” golf….now THAT would be a sport…Could you imagine how many tourney’s Phil Mickelson would lose if he had a “windmill” hole to deal with?

Reader note #1: didn't really feel like searching for pics today so i am just using random ones from my harddrive...Likey??

Reader note #2:“...my D**K in a box!!!”

Started watching the Tudors with my “new” lady (yep that’s my story and I am sticking to it) and if this show is factually correct then, Henry the VIII was/is the realest nigga on the planet!!!

By the way, if you are new to this, I wouldn’t advise reading this in one shot…all in moderation

Did you know that a work of art is always supposed to be referred to in the present when discussing existence? You can’t say “Jane Eyre” WAS a boring book…you have to say “The Scarlet Letter” IS a boring book…Once its created, bound and published, it cannot be UNCREATED…gotta love that!!!

I am not even gonna lie…I used to read “Ramona” books for accelerated reader in elementary school…Drew the line at babysitters club though…Sometimes…Hey, you can only read so many Encyclopedia Brown and “Goosebumps” books…

Did you know we are “fighting” a war in Afghanistan, too??? Damn, sure was news to me…Dude, we are, as a nation, like that dude you know that’s got a girlfriend and a few on the side…multiple girls?? Ain’t that the brokest nigga you know??? Two wars…wow…

Explains a lot though…

Turns out that even the Postal service is in need of some fundage…They purchased exorbitant homes for their relocation packages some homes even being in the millions…Dude, stamps are 42 cents and when’s the last time you seen a letter?? Where in the hell did they get that kind of money in the first place…

A lot of colons this LL…I think its apt though with all the literary colon cleansing each paragraph represents…

What I really wanna know is: where the hell did all these pirates come from??...

And, what you know about Edward Teach?!?!

Ok, rethinking it: J.D. Powers IS a pretty cool name. A name that cool I guess I wouldn’t mind him Tarheel or not…And wouldn’t it be one of those names where you would just say the whole thing? Like James bond or a tribe called Quest… “Yo, this is my homeboy, skillet…and this is my manz, J.D. Powers from Lagrange”…Now, his associates…not so much…I don’t know them like that…

To all hip-hop artists out there: haven’t we had enough of the club??

To all radio stations out there: haven’t we had enough of the club??

To all the ladies who can get in free but still don’t go: haven’t we had enough sausagefests of the club (I know that didn’t make sense but I am a slave to symmetry…spelling, grammar, and cohesion?? not so much)??

HA, sausagefests…autocorrect THAT, MS WORD!!!

George Orwell said once, Like Christianity, the biggest argument against socialism is its adherents or something like that…That can SOOOO be said about non-smokers…geez, stop bellyaching…you wanna cigarette…

I decided to quit smoking…excuse me, it was decided that I was going to quit smoking…If it weren’t for Sunny T, I would have NEVER even thought about attempting to discuss thinking about quitting…EVER…I’d been smoking through a hole in my neck dammit…If nothing else, just to spite non-smokers…Plus, I feel bad for tobacco farmers. IS ANYONE THINKING ABOUT THEM!!! Huh, little “Truth” commercial ads?? Hmm, whets gonna happen to them if everyone stops??

I hate those sanctimonious “Truth” commercials…Eww…cigarettes have cyanide in them eww…la-di-dah...well, the air has NITROGEN in it…so what??? …Your mother’s mouth has boric acid in it…

Ok…my bad…I’m nic’ing…I’m cool now…

Ok, Ok…In memoriam: the top five things to smoke a cigarette after…Nah, lets run that back: the top five things that make you wanna smoke…F-it good enough:

5. Eating- What’s better after a fine rib dinner than hitting a sweet heater??? You tell me!!!

4. Drinking- What’s better after 7 or 12 Jack and Coke’s than a succulent bogie?? Just gets ya right here!!!

3. Working out-What’s better after a hard core quadriceps workout than savory menthol?? Oh, it’s just me?? Really?? Wow…

2. Getting ya Marley on…-What’s better after a mah-glific (hahaha that’s word to scoe on that one…again, AUTOCORRECT THAT!!!) Phelps slug than a tender C.I.

1. Coitus-what’s better after a 7.835 minute love session than a budweiser-like, monster burger-esque, cell phone brain cancer-ian, SUV fossil fuel guzzler-like, Prescription drug for anything -like(yeah ran out of suffixes…), wonderful, mellifluous drag on a cigarette???

Well screw it, I’ll just have to find something else…

Bruce Eagle the full metal. SMOKE!!!(just kidding...kinda)

"You can quote me on that"-Friends and Family Edition

"Women are like the devil with cramps and super powers"
My roommate, your friend and minz, Scoe pontificating on the feminine mystique "

I just want to crawl into a vagina and yell and see if it will echo"
Scoe's girlfriend, Co-founder of Shackle Free Productions, Shayla "ladies and gentlemen, Shayla Mutha-flurbing Peacock" Peacock

"There wouldn't be any echo. I assume it would be like yelling into a damp couch"
A suprisingly sober bruce eagle's retort


"Nah, seriously though...nobody likes Maroon Five"
Colton, lead guitar for No Walls, our house band...be on the look out


"I got dogs and if my house ever smells like that...you need to tell me"
Star commenting on why one of our friend's house smells like dog crap


"Yeah I think he's got some dogs in the back though..."
Scoe's response

"Whew, i was HOPING he did...how many does he have? like 200 hundred?"
Bruce eagle's retort

"the dog excreted some kind of oil on me so I had to jettison the bitch"
Bruce eagle on why he had to drop Milanda's apparently terrified chuihahua to the floor[female dog by the way...]

[aside: the following is an excerpt from a BS, forty-five minute meeting me, scoe, and my friend skip(Tyrell Moten) had with a studio we were trying to use for skip in fayetteville...Oh you aint know, outside of being world class bloggers, me and scoe do artist development...dont worry, you will hear all about it soon enough...read on]

[Begin scene: Bruce Eagle, Scoe-says-he, and Skip are sitting in a basement with the water running in some distant corner like there is some japanese koi pond in the back and cockroaches on the floor. The young lads are on the other side of a desk seating a paunchy man with the skin of burnt butter and a young lady whose front teeth resembles the grill on one of dolomite's cadillacs]

"So, me and my partner here are in artist development and we are trying to front a little studio time for my man skip right here...What do you charge"
Bruce Eagle getting straight to the point...

"Yea thats cool and we will show you around the studio in a minute but you know we also do artist development too...you gonna need press kits, websites, etc...we've been doing this for a minute. We even got these artists that have been doing this for 10 years...You may have heard of them...Darkside Camp[Bruce Eagle's thoughts: NOPE NEVER HEARD OF THEM]We got videos and press kits for them all done here[waving a hand about as if we are in grandiose surroundings]
Cadillac mouth's response...

"So, yeah, what that about studio time. When can we record..."
A frustrated Skip's comment, trying his damnest to be calm

"Here is a song from one of our artists from his webpage...All our artist have a webpages...We do all of it right here [again, gesturing around the broken down basement]"
Cadillac mouth continuing her non-relevant diatribe

"I mean, all thats good but if we aint got nothing to give anybody what are we doing...Can we get some rates for studio time??"
A frustrated Skip's retort, trying his damnest to be calm

"Here's one of our artist's track with Blood Raw...have you ever heard of blood raw"
Cadillac mouth continuing her ever lengthening, non-relevant diatribe

"Oh, that's hot as hell right there"
"[No i haven't heard of Blood Raw...I try not to listen to garbage]"
Bruce Eagle's spoken sentence and what i was ACTUALLY thinking upon hearing the "track"

"So yea we gon be in contact about the artist development...We need gon' need some press kits for our guys..."
Bruce Eagle just trying to get the hell out of there

"Nice Studio"
"[What the hell is this crap...Protools my a$$...]"
Bruce Eagle's spoken sentence and what he was ACTUALLY thinking upon seeing their "studio"

"Maaaan, them niggas was wack"
Skip's sentiment upon leaving the studio
[End Scene]

"Aww...I think i am going to start rooting for Michigan State for awhile"
Sunny T, tarheel fan and alumnus, commenting on the NCAA Championship drubbing...

"Lay your heeee-yeaaad on my pill-aaargh"
Sunny T singing al green on the toilet

"Grrrarrrrrarrr"
Blake the snake "griffin" Davis...anytime he sees Shayla "ladies and gentlemen, Shayla Mutha-flurbing Peacock" Peacock

"You know your cousin's in jail again...guess what he asked me to get him...a color television...talking about going to wal-mart looking at prices...How is he going to use it?..."
My mom telling me about my crazy cousin

-"And, we're taking dumps all over ya faaaaccceee" [oh there's more]
-"Everybody's momma...ooohh ooohh...had to suck a little d***...had to suck a little d***...we might as well admit it..."[nope, not done yet]
-"And, she's licking on my b***s like she likes it...yeah...yeah...yeah...mmm"
Me and scoe just freestyling the sillest things we could think of...

Just a few reason why everyday's a pleasure...

Bruce Eagle the full metal. Peace!!!

Loquacious Levity 3.5.2009

Hey, what the hell is Rush Limbaugh's appeal? I mean are republicans THAT pissed all the time to listen to this blowhard. He's what santa claus would be if he didnt have a heart or a soul...I look at Rush like Bill O'reilly(well slightly, I actually kinda admire O'reilly's balls...when he's not bashing hip-hop that is...). I can't hate him b/c that is EXACTLY what he wants. And, I will not have some fat, pill popping freak of a bastard control my mind. See, no hate at all...

Admiring Bill O'reilly's balls huh...getting this LL started of right!!!...

Do you wonder just how many secret service men are gonna have to follow George Bush? He's gonna have to have that Spartan army on him at all times. Im just saying...You cant really blame one man for all of what we are into but he would be an apt start.

That brings up a good point though: Why aren't more former chief executives(sigh...it feel so good to finally have that man in the FORMER category.) assassinated. They implement policies that last forever or at least for long while. They get to elect, if they are lucky, supreme court justices, forever. Their impact has long reaching affects. Just b/c they are administrative neuters doesn't mean someone aint pissed off they have no home, savings, eldest son or health care. Im suprised someone didnt blow Reagan's ass away as SOOON as he stepped off the lawn...

Random quote #1: "A-fraud", Every publication "cleverly" reporting the Alex rodriguez steroid scandal

A-rod is the perfect example of how we as a public build up to bring down. Ok, so he is the highest paid baseball player ever...Its like that heaps so many things on to him, unfairly...like YOU wouldnt've taken the money too...And just b/c he doesnt have any postseason magic doesnt mean he isn't one of the best baseball players ever...Just b/c he took some steroids doesnt mean he isnt the one of the best baseball players ever...Everybody needs to chill on the steroids thing...Why are you crucifying this man like he is the only one? Like baseball aint been dirty since 1880 something...Like a negative drug test means you AINT on steroids(how many potheads you know pass drug tests...ALOT)...And, what the hell does he have to apologize to US for?

He should've apologized for setting a bad example for the kids and adults who idolize him ...the key word though is "idolize" when ever you worship someone that aint Jesus("who is the master of this house"-How High) they are gonna fall and its gonna seem even worse b/c we put them up so high in the first place...

I tell you what : every player needs to shut his damn mouth about this though...1) there are all these unspoken rules in baseball..dont slide cleat first, if you hit our batter we're hitting yours, etc...what about the one that says don't rat on your fellow players...why are you so adamant about steroids now...you wont saying not a damn thing like 96 and besides, he is your brother. If they can do him like this, dont think for a sec they wont do you like that either...2) do you guys really wanna play against a pissed off A-rod with a chip on his shoulder? He is one of the best to play the game. Steroids or not.

Hey, did anyone ever think we have such a problem with children looking up to spoiled atheletes b/c they see US, grown ups(or "grown up" in my case), looking up to spoiled athletes??

I love those Freecreditreport.com commercials. they are so catchy!!! "...So why am I dressed up like a pirate in this restaurant..." Just can't get 'em out of your damn head is all...

OK, so now we have finally converted to full digital after what had to have been a billion dollar marketing campaign...Does you TV look any better?

Women please stop wearing graphic tees...Its either I am actually trying to read whats on your shirt and come off like a perve...or I am actually trying to look at boobs and got all these words in the way...just stick to sweaters please they are so much easier...

Ok, so maybe Heath Ledger really deserved his Oscar. I just saw the Dark Knight the other day(yeah, need to step my movie game up) and the brother pretty much carried the whole movie. True, the movie pretty much centered on Joker but his perfomance was so layered and masterful that you forget you are watching a actor (which is the point but doesnt happen as often as it should).When he had his first scene it felt an AWFUL like Jack Nicholson but after awhile it morphed into something creepy as hell, kinda scary. Don't get me wrong. I loved the first batman to death. Michael Keaton was the best Bruce Wayne/Batman combo until Bale came along and I love me some Timmy Burton, but he's kinda like Poe with his darkness, sharp but not menacing. This joker and this movie is sinister and brooding. This captures and presents in glorious technicolor the evil which begets more evil yet paradoxically creates heroes. It captures the fickle nature of the populace. It captures my favorite superhero in the light he was supposed to have. Kudos to all and a R.I.P to Heath...

Still think Robert Downey should have got SOMETHING for Tropic Thunder...maybe he can find solace in his coveted "Crying Monkey" award.

You ever notice that every one in history that has preached peace and was becoming reasonably successful with it was murdered, quite violently? Guess I need to change my sig, huh...

"Its all because some hacker stole my identity..." DAMMIT!!!

Hey, say what you want about "octomom" but at least she aint putting out no ugly ass babies for the world to look...can't say that about a LOT of folk...

Dude, seriously though, I love kids like the next man but America's long time fascination with "the children" is starting to get a bit pedophilic...Do we really give a crap about octomom's kids? There are HOMELESS CHILDREN out there. Let's start with them first...

I guess the lesson here is: if something bad or tragic or miraculous happens/happened to you, you better damn well make sure you are photogenic!!

My roommate scoe is a world renowed wrasslin' fan. So, I watch a little from time to time(still not a big fan of watching men in underwear grappling but its something to do b/t foghats...) and I got to wondering: You know how wrestlers come out all greased up and what not? Who does that? It can't be them...Is there an online applicating for that? How do you get that job? Is it like whichever intern brings the wrong coffee has to grease down John Cena...?

Random quote #2: "you put gorgeous george in a bare knuckle boxing match. What did you expect to happen? A grease down and a shiatsu?" Jason Statham "Snatch"

So Terrell Owens got released from the Cowboys. Dude, how much of a arrogant bastard do you have to be to be fired by one of the most arrogant bastards ever?

I dont know about you but I am just worried about the Dallas strip club and sit-up equipment markets now that Pacman and TO are gone...

You heard it here first: "Don't be that guy" will be this millenium's "whoop there it is". 'Member back when that song was out and everyone was using it like puncuation..."Yea, dont be that guy" is gonna be that...get ready for it...

I'm still partial to the always funny "Don't tazer me, bro" but it doesnt always fit...well, unless you're getting tazered of course...then its PERFECT...

Analogy: Michael Steele is to straight up p****y as...nah, nothing like that chump of a RNC chairman...tsk, tsk mike...Ask condoleeza how lying down with dogs will turn out for ya...taking the rap alone...again, tsk tsk...Hope you like your gun and anti-abortion laws when Rush and the rest of the RNC are hanging you out to dry...

Funny thing again though: When another organization is in ruin(and the RNC is in definite ruin) what do they do? Give it to a black man...

You know the phrase "shit rolls down hill", said whenever lower level employees have to take crap from management...WHERE THE HELL DOES THAT PHRASE COME FROM?? Does shit even roll? Mine pretty much sticks to where it is...What the hell do you have to be eating to cause such an intense bowel movement you gotta do it on a hill, like right then and there....and who was at the bottom of the hill and noticed the shit was rolling? Was he astounded? Frightened? We know what rihanna is doing at any given moment but we cant take the time find this out?

Random quote #3: "They use our dung for fertilizer!" Snowball, "Animal Farm"(hahaha read that line in eighth grade and didnt stop giggling until the end of the day...ah much simpler times...)

I sure missed you guy and gal since I been gone...wont take another two months I PROMISE(kinda...)

Bruce Eagle the Full Metal. Umm about that!!!

Vivid Vignettes: "Hyperbole Aside"

He took a drink to steel his resolve. "this is going to be hard, " he thought, " the hardest thing I've ever had to do." This was an understatement, of course. Throughout his travels, the slightly jaded, forever engaged man about town that he was, would dabble in any and everything he could. The attempt was to savor life to its fullest. No Fear. No inhibitions. Except, when it came to love. He could jump out of an airplane with no parachute and land safely on guts and heart alone, but he could never bring himself to fully love. Let alone tell anyone he did or even allude to the fact. He had been in love of course. The first time left him jaded and the second left him broken.

So, yes, This was going to be hard for him. Seconds danced with infinity as the the ice in his whiskey(on the rocks always) shifted glacially. Waiters moved like erosion on an old mountain. He could see the sinew in his steak soften. "Jesus, he thought, I sure wish this tympani in my chest would quiet down. Pianissimo, big fella pianissimo." Wit was easy in his head, but then again, his brain wasn't nearly as breathtaking as his companion before him. Not in the first.

"HELL-OH," his companion blurted. "You said you had something to say and then you just went blank." Damn, he thought she would just let it go when the waiter brought her duck with cranberries. But, no, the spitfire pressed on. She was going to make him say this. Wasn't she? Couldn't she see in his eyes that his love for her stretched to an infant star whose light had yet to reach earth. Didn't she feel, telepathically, the longing and need when he was away from her; the permanence of passion; the ubiquitous yearning. Simply, she was his drug. He would have to climb Everest in mammoth skin to reach the height and warmth of her being and her presence. Why couldn't she just SEE it. Why did he have to SAY it. Words come a dime a dozen and are worth about as much as a teet with no nipple in the face of action. Action. That was no problem. It was the words. It was the risk that she would break him again, leaving the jumper with no parachute, guts, or heart as he plummeted back down from Everest.

It was worth the risk. The only risk he thought twice about. She made him kiss the sky and savor the vapor as he flew. She was his atmosphere when there was no air. She was his earth when he was unstable. She was his water when the aridness of a single life parched the skin. She was his..."Ahhh, I hate it when you do that. Stop stalling and tell me, " she spoke, interrupting the reverie. He needed one last sip; the fire of the liquor started a furnace inside him. It raged in him like the fury of an unruly sea, like a petulant child deprived of his candy filling his void of courage. Say it, you bastard. Just say it, he thought. "I know I've said a lot of things to you in our time together half of it bull and the other half shit, but hyperbole aside my dear, I..."

"You can quote me on that"-Family and Friends Edition

"Women are like the devil with cramps and super powers"
My roommate, your friend and mine Scoe pontificating on the feminine mystique


"I just want to crawl into a vagina and yell and see if it will echo"
Scoe's girlfriend, Co-founder of Shackle Free Productions, Shayla "ladies and gentlemen, Shayla Mutha-flurbing Peacock" Peacock


"There wouldn't be any echo. I assume its like yelling into a damp couch"
A suprisingly sober bruce eagle's retort


"Nah, seriously though...nobody likes Maroon Five"
Colton, lead guitar for No Walls

"I got dogs and if my house ever smells like that...you need to tell me"
Star commenting on why one of our friend's house smells like dog crap

"Yeah I think he's got some dogs in the back though..."
Scoe's response

"Whew, i was HOPING he did...how many does he have? like 200 hundred?"
Bruce eagle's retort

"the dog excreted some kind of oil on me so I had to jettison the bitch"
Bruce eagle on why he had to drop Milanda's apparently terrified chuihahua

[aside: the following is an excerpt from a BS, forty-five minute meeting me, scoe, and my friend skip had with a studio we were trying to use for skip in fayetteville...Oh you aint know, outside of being world class bloggers, me and scoe do artist development...dont worry you will hear all about it soon enough...read on]

[Begin scene: Bruce Eagle, Scoe-says-he, and Skip are sitting in a basement with the water running in some distant corner of the basement and cockroaches on the floor. The young lads are on the other side of a desk seating a paunchy man with the skin of burnt butter and a young lady whose front teeth resembles the grill on one of dolomite's cadillacs]

"So, me and my partner here are in artist development and we are trying to front a little studio time for my man skip right here...What are your rates"
Bruce Eagle getting straight to the point...

"Yea thats cool and we will show you around the studio in a minute but you know we also do artist development too...you gonna need press kits, websites, etc...we've been doing this for a minute. We even got these artists that have been doing this for 10 years...You may have heard of them..."Darkside Camp"[Bruce Eagle's thoughts: NOPE NEVER HEARD OF THEM]We got videos and press kits for them all done here[waving a hand about as if we are in grandiose surroundings]
Cadillac mouth's response...

"So, yeah, what that about studio time. When can we record..."
A frustrated Skip's retort, trying his damnest to be calm

"Here is a song from one of our artists from his webpage...All our artist have a webpages...We do all of it right here [again, gesturing around the broken down basement]"
Cadillac mouth continuing her non-relevant diatribe

"I mean, all thats good but if we aint got nothing to give anybody what are we doing...Can we get some rates for studio time??"
A frustrated Skip's retort, trying his damnest to be calm

"Here's one of our artist's track with Blood Raw...have you ever heard of blood raw"
Cadillac mouth continuing her ever lengthening, non-relevant diatribe

"Oh, that's hot as hell right there"

"[No i haven't heard of Blood Raw...I try not to listen to garbage]"
Bruce Eagle's spoken sentence and what i was ACTUALLY thinking upon hearing the "track"

"So yea we gon be in contact about the artist development...We need gon' need some press kits for our guys..."
Bruce Eagle just trying to get the hell out of there

"Nice Studio"

"[What the hell is this crap...Protools my ass...]"
Bruce Eagle's spoken sentence and what i was ACTUALLY thinking upon seeing their "studio"

"Maaaan, them niggas was wack"
Skip's sentiment upon leaving the studio
[End Scene]

"Aww...I think i am going to start rooting for Michigan State for awhile"
Sunny T, tarheel fan and alumnus, commenting on the NCAA Championship drubbing...

"Lay your heeee-yeaaad on my pill-aaargh"
Sunny T singing al green on the toilet

"Grrrarrrrrarrr"
Blake the snake "griffin" Davis...anytime he sees Shayla "ladies and gentlemen, Shayla Mutha-flurbing Peacock" Peacock

"You know your cousin's in jail again...guess what he asked me to get him...a color television...talking about going to wal-mart about prices...How is he going to use it?..."
My mom telling me about my crazy cousin

"And, were taking dumps all over ya faaaaccceee" [oh there's more]

"Everybody's momma...ooohh ooohh...had to suck a little d***...had to suck a little d***...we might as well admit it..."[nope, not done yet]

"And, she's licking on my b***s like she likes it...yeah...yeah...yeah...mmm"
Me and scoe just freestyling the sillest things we could think of...

Just a few reason why everyday's a pleasure...

Bruce Eagle the full metal. Peace!!!

Loquacious Levity 1-9-2009

YOOO!!! Merry New Year People. YA BOY IS BACK!!! How have the first 9 days been treating you?

Hey, Um I dont know if you are aware of this but: There is a African-American President elect...Don't know how you get you information with out LL but yea...

Is there a female equivalent to "blue balls"? Pink ovaries? Or would it be Red Pads??

Need a loan? I suggest you start an automobile company or bank and run that mutha straight into the ground...I think that'll do the trick...

I don't think Oedipus was so bad...Maybe the brother just had a hot mom...and as far as killing his pops...how do YOU get rid of Your competition...Seems pretty efficient to me...

Obscure Tangent #1(technically every paragraph is but hey): I dont know about you but I would have Loved to be the officers giving Charles Barkley his sobriety test before he got arrested for his DUI recently. He was probably walking in a crooked line talking crap about how the officer needs to shut up and work on his pepper spray fundamentals...

How can a game be called a neutral site game(BCS Championship game, Tampa) when one of the teams is from that same STATE...Oklahoma probably still would have gotten beat b/c Tebow is just too much of a threat(you put a QB spy on him and he throws to a reciever; drop more men in coverage he just runs again) add that with a defense with the speed of the Flash on amphetimines and well you get an L for the opponents...still doesnt seem fair though...Oh, we may need to think about some Counsel or therapy for OU fans. THATS FIVE STRAIGHT BCS losses for the burgandy bandits...Jee-bus what in the hell does Stoopes have to do to get fired? Slap Moses?


Peep the subtle reverse racism: When a black quarterback can run and is moderately accurate, then THAT brother is the #1 pick, but when a white quaterback(Tebow) does it, that w-other gets "oh he'll never make it in the NFL as a quarterback..."...Hey, WHITE FOLKS CAN RUN TOO...just b/c white running backs and recievers are about as common as a hookers without herpes...that doesn't mean they can't be athletic...


Hookers Without Herpes...hmm, wouldnt that be a good name for an Indie Rock group...

Between Jasmine Sullivan's "I bust the windows out your car"(oh word, I bust the teeth out of your face...not saying I condone that but umm...messing with a man's car isnt exactly the best way to get a brother to act rationally) and Beyonce talking about "did i mention, don't pay him any attention(oook...B but that nigga is over there massaging a cat like Dr. Claw, laughing maniacally and twirling a live hand grenade...Kinda hard NOT to notice him), somebody's relationship is gonna end in murder...I'm just saying ladies...niggas are crazy!!!


Oh, btw TROPIC THUNDER MAYBE THE FUNNIEST MOVIE SINCE ANCHORMAN...If Robert Downey, Jr. doesnt get an Oscar for that, I will lose faith in humanity. How can you be in the 2008 equivalent to blackface and STILL get a laugh out of black folk...The movie was funny all the way through(you know how comedies eventually stop being funny and start trying to tell a story...) and poked fun at Nelly...Gotta love that!

Apparently, Obama is already meeting opposition from various interest groups...The Feminists(or pre-lesbians as I like to call 'em...nah, j/k ladies...kinda) say he is already going back on promises and the Gays are like he never really cared b/c he's recruited Rick Warren to do his invocation...Really, guys? The brother aint even PRESIDENT YET!!! Jeee-buss!!!, its gonna be an interesting 4 years, I tell you what(tm Hank Hill)...I dont care how the next 4 years go, quite frankly. Just seeing white folk trying to hide their fear and disappointment the next day was WELL worth it...even though black folk probably would have rioted if we lost...Shoot I know brothers that were like "i HOPE this nigga loses...I need a new TV!"

I wonder what the temperature of a fat man's fart in a sauna would be? 175 degrees? 273?

I am convinced that the country will NEVER be truly happy until we get a BCS Playoff in place...You know until its actually in place and we bitch about that too...Screw economic solvency and unemployment rates!!!

Seriously though, why are people asking OBAMA to change the BCS? Why do we even care? Have these people seen a paper lately?

Actually, with all these newspapers folding, probably not ...

Gas is back below 2 bones(Thank ya, Jee-Bus!!!)...So all that conservation crap I was talking a few months back...SCREW IT. If OPEC can cut oil production and gas drops, then apparently we must have enough to spare. Hey, stock market speculators are pretty spot on so that MUST be the reason...Look at how they predicted the housing crash!!

How many of your new years resolutions did you end up keeping for 2008? I was at about a .5 success rate...And, nine days in, '09 resolutions aint looking to be kept either...

True Story: So, this man gives his wife his kidney. Nothing out of the ordinary. Generally want to keep your wife alive, right? However, it turns out she ran around on this man and they end up getting divorce. The brother wants his kidney back or the cash equivalent. HAHAHA YOU GO BOY!!! I hope he wins! Divorce laws are biased towards men(true we're usually the ones f-ing up but still it aint right). Plus, it will set a HELL of a precedent. Sure, you can get custody of the kids, but i want custody of your organs, BEE-YOTCH!!! or the cash equivalent of my heart you ripped and stepped on...


Homeboy is better than me though...F the cash equivalent. Give me my damn kidney back!!! I wouldnt even have it reinstalled in my lower back...I'd just keep it in a jar and send her pictures of it every month like " how's your urinary system!!!"

Of course, this man could've been an asshole with one good deed in his whole life...most likely...Still pulling for ya though, bruh!


Obsure tangent #2: How in the hell could ANYbody deny the Holocaust? Really? "Hey man, 6 million people just got on trains for a friendly trip. That's all. Just because you never heard anything from the majority of them again doesn't mean they just up and disappeared. Not to mention the pollution in Germany was just really bad at the time. That was in NO way the ash of human flesh" Wow, the mind can convince itself of anything. ..

Whoopi Goldberg is sexy as hell!! Pot is a dangerous drug and detriment to society as a whole!! Trickle down economics work!! Ok, so maybe not all the time

It must suck to be a sports talk radio host sometimes...Its one of those jobs that everyone with a voice box thinks he/she could do. Many great jobs are like that(acting, rapping, etc) but that is the only one where people can call you and actually tell you about it...

Another time travel fantasy: I want to go back in just spy on some of this hallowed atheletes of the past. Like the only one we really hear that was a straight bastard was Ty Cobb and that's only b/c that nigga was epic! Most athletes of today that AREN'T named Adam "Pacman" Jones are getting into trouble that we all get into from time to time. You get caught slipping with a little too much alcohol or pot...you have a few too many babies out of wedlock...you know, the usual. Then, come the media talking "oh these athletes today are out of control" The egos yes, but its not just them. We are ALL out of control...its just that everyone doesnt have a camera on them all the time...You would probably see things infinitely more evil than what some of these athletes do if you follow the average person around. I bet if you followed Jonny Unitas around all the time, he would F up too...

Now that we gonna have a black president(lets hope.. its a long 12 days from now), can we put an end to the "nigga" thing? It is now officially ok for white folks to use "nigga" in the colloquial sense . To tell the truth, we always knew when white folks meant it as a slang term. We just really had nothing else to hold over you. And, the slavery thing was getting a little old...That is not to say saying NIGGER wont get you an old fashioned AW...Still, might wanna hold off on that one...still too soon

Someone had the NERVE, the UNMITIGTED GALL, the BRASS BALLS, to even insinuate that SLASH from Guns 'n' Roses made the group legendary. Granted, "November Rain" nor "Estranged"nor "Welcome to the Jungle" would have been epic without slash's GHEE-TAR solos, but lets be feasible here...I like curly-haired Jewish guitarists like the next man, but THIS IS AXEL FUCKING ROSE we are talking about here...I just dont buy...especially if its the new album...If axel is on the mic and he doesnt rock, that would ruin a GREAT childhood mancrush...ON that note...

The five best lead singers of a rock band...

5. Anthony Kedis-Wow Kedis ROCKS!!! He is to this day the only rocker who dropped heroin and got BETTER...and the brother can sing, never wears a shirt, and has probably the most kick-ass tattoo covering his back...If that ain't rock and roll, I dont know what is...

4. Scott Weiland-And a close second for the guy who got better when he dropped heroin...it was touch and go there for a minute, but he has found new life with "Velvet Revolver"and I am happy for him...I still think Stone Temple Pilots had the BEST MTV's Unplugged album ever. Jee-bus the acoustic version of "Plush" will change your life...

3. Kurt Kobain-Nirvana's songs were like 4 minute fever dreams with nothing really making sense(well, to me anyway), but it did not matter in the first. The pure angst in the words and the pain in his voice made every song an adventure. In a paradox, the same pain that made his voice great swallowed him whole. As is often the case, the weight of genius only benefits the populace, not the carrier...

2. Robert Plant-I know, I know...I just de-legitimized my little countdown by putting one of the greatest rock singers ever at number 2. This man is awesome, just awesome. You wanna know how to sing the blues? Listen to "Since I've been loving you" You wanna know how to wail? Listen to "The Rain Song". Its just hard to quantify his raw ethos on the mic. The man just makes me feel something with every song. My mind is mere putty. Mold me Robbie!!! I just can't give him number one for 2 reasons...2)Even though he made it his own, he just kinda copied american rhythm and blues and of course, literally the number 1 reason is :

(1) Axel Fucking Rose-Come on now, man crush!!!

Bruce Eagle the Full Metal. Peace!!!

You can quote me on that

"I am starting to like rap sometimes...but not all the time. Sometimes its just another nigga talking to me that ain't listening"-CP on her budding rap affinity


"Seriously, John did you really think you were going to win"-A campaign manager speaking to a dejected Johm McCain on Election night


"Dee-bah-dum-da...La-di-la-doba-dah-da"...Stan getz "Acqua di Marco(or at least thats what i THINK they are saying...appears to be portuguese)


"Give it to Mikey..."-Molly, jailhouse pimp(ok gonna stop with the Vick in jail jokes they are derivative and trite, regardless to their hilarity)


"No, I don't want to do Playboy...yet"-Sarah Palin weighing her options with her agent


"...you know I've always hated you"-my friend scoe after I knocked over the ashtray...again


"...that don't mean we gonna be having bbq's on the white house lawn every week"-Michael Basden on Obama getting elected


"Remind me how having a brown man in office with an arabic last name is going to INCREASE terror attacks from brown people with arabic last names"-Bruce eagle


"Jesus, I wish these ho's would back up off my MAN"-Michelle Obama, first lady elect


"Its like the OJ trial all over again. Black folks are way TOO happy and white folks are way TOO sad"-My pops on the Obama election


"Seriously, I am so out of date. I'm like Strom Thurman reading poor richards almanac with a vitrola playing in the background. Even I can see THAT"-The 2nd amendment


"Yes, my name is busty mcclure and I am calling about a workers comp claim....UM, yes I lost the use of my right eye in a botched teabagging scene"-Excerpt from a call to AFLAC


"Aaaahhh yeah. I got something to tell you all...umm...About Genesis. Umm...well, it WAS actually SUPPOSED to be Adam and Steve in the bible. My bad, I just caught it...UH-HUH...Jesus Christ, give me a break here. YOU try holding an ever expanding void together with your bare hands...ITS A VOID...Besides its not like it did any harm...It's not like you guys are taking those stories and parables literally or something...oh you are, huh? Well who in the hell told you to do THAT, sure wasnt me"-GOD

Bruce Eagle the Full Metal. Peace!!!