"You can quote me on that"-Family and Friends Edition

"Women are like the devil with cramps and super powers"
My roommate, your friend and mine Scoe pontificating on the feminine mystique


"I just want to crawl into a vagina and yell and see if it will echo"
Scoe's girlfriend, Co-founder of Shackle Free Productions, Shayla "ladies and gentlemen, Shayla Mutha-flurbing Peacock" Peacock


"There wouldn't be any echo. I assume its like yelling into a damp couch"
A suprisingly sober bruce eagle's retort


"Nah, seriously though...nobody likes Maroon Five"
Colton, lead guitar for No Walls

"I got dogs and if my house ever smells like that...you need to tell me"
Star commenting on why one of our friend's house smells like dog crap

"Yeah I think he's got some dogs in the back though..."
Scoe's response

"Whew, i was HOPING he did...how many does he have? like 200 hundred?"
Bruce eagle's retort

"the dog excreted some kind of oil on me so I had to jettison the bitch"
Bruce eagle on why he had to drop Milanda's apparently terrified chuihahua

[aside: the following is an excerpt from a BS, forty-five minute meeting me, scoe, and my friend skip had with a studio we were trying to use for skip in fayetteville...Oh you aint know, outside of being world class bloggers, me and scoe do artist development...dont worry you will hear all about it soon enough...read on]

[Begin scene: Bruce Eagle, Scoe-says-he, and Skip are sitting in a basement with the water running in some distant corner of the basement and cockroaches on the floor. The young lads are on the other side of a desk seating a paunchy man with the skin of burnt butter and a young lady whose front teeth resembles the grill on one of dolomite's cadillacs]

"So, me and my partner here are in artist development and we are trying to front a little studio time for my man skip right here...What are your rates"
Bruce Eagle getting straight to the point...

"Yea thats cool and we will show you around the studio in a minute but you know we also do artist development too...you gonna need press kits, websites, etc...we've been doing this for a minute. We even got these artists that have been doing this for 10 years...You may have heard of them..."Darkside Camp"[Bruce Eagle's thoughts: NOPE NEVER HEARD OF THEM]We got videos and press kits for them all done here[waving a hand about as if we are in grandiose surroundings]
Cadillac mouth's response...

"So, yeah, what that about studio time. When can we record..."
A frustrated Skip's retort, trying his damnest to be calm

"Here is a song from one of our artists from his webpage...All our artist have a webpages...We do all of it right here [again, gesturing around the broken down basement]"
Cadillac mouth continuing her non-relevant diatribe

"I mean, all thats good but if we aint got nothing to give anybody what are we doing...Can we get some rates for studio time??"
A frustrated Skip's retort, trying his damnest to be calm

"Here's one of our artist's track with Blood Raw...have you ever heard of blood raw"
Cadillac mouth continuing her ever lengthening, non-relevant diatribe

"Oh, that's hot as hell right there"

"[No i haven't heard of Blood Raw...I try not to listen to garbage]"
Bruce Eagle's spoken sentence and what i was ACTUALLY thinking upon hearing the "track"

"So yea we gon be in contact about the artist development...We need gon' need some press kits for our guys..."
Bruce Eagle just trying to get the hell out of there

"Nice Studio"

"[What the hell is this crap...Protools my ass...]"
Bruce Eagle's spoken sentence and what i was ACTUALLY thinking upon seeing their "studio"

"Maaaan, them niggas was wack"
Skip's sentiment upon leaving the studio
[End Scene]

"Aww...I think i am going to start rooting for Michigan State for awhile"
Sunny T, tarheel fan and alumnus, commenting on the NCAA Championship drubbing...

"Lay your heeee-yeaaad on my pill-aaargh"
Sunny T singing al green on the toilet

"Grrrarrrrrarrr"
Blake the snake "griffin" Davis...anytime he sees Shayla "ladies and gentlemen, Shayla Mutha-flurbing Peacock" Peacock

"You know your cousin's in jail again...guess what he asked me to get him...a color television...talking about going to wal-mart about prices...How is he going to use it?..."
My mom telling me about my crazy cousin

"And, were taking dumps all over ya faaaaccceee" [oh there's more]

"Everybody's momma...ooohh ooohh...had to suck a little d***...had to suck a little d***...we might as well admit it..."[nope, not done yet]

"And, she's licking on my b***s like she likes it...yeah...yeah...yeah...mmm"
Me and scoe just freestyling the sillest things we could think of...

Just a few reason why everyday's a pleasure...

Bruce Eagle the full metal. Peace!!!

Loquacious Levity 1-9-2009

YOOO!!! Merry New Year People. YA BOY IS BACK!!! How have the first 9 days been treating you?

Hey, Um I dont know if you are aware of this but: There is a African-American President elect...Don't know how you get you information with out LL but yea...

Is there a female equivalent to "blue balls"? Pink ovaries? Or would it be Red Pads??

Need a loan? I suggest you start an automobile company or bank and run that mutha straight into the ground...I think that'll do the trick...

I don't think Oedipus was so bad...Maybe the brother just had a hot mom...and as far as killing his pops...how do YOU get rid of Your competition...Seems pretty efficient to me...

Obscure Tangent #1(technically every paragraph is but hey): I dont know about you but I would have Loved to be the officers giving Charles Barkley his sobriety test before he got arrested for his DUI recently. He was probably walking in a crooked line talking crap about how the officer needs to shut up and work on his pepper spray fundamentals...

How can a game be called a neutral site game(BCS Championship game, Tampa) when one of the teams is from that same STATE...Oklahoma probably still would have gotten beat b/c Tebow is just too much of a threat(you put a QB spy on him and he throws to a reciever; drop more men in coverage he just runs again) add that with a defense with the speed of the Flash on amphetimines and well you get an L for the opponents...still doesnt seem fair though...Oh, we may need to think about some Counsel or therapy for OU fans. THATS FIVE STRAIGHT BCS losses for the burgandy bandits...Jee-bus what in the hell does Stoopes have to do to get fired? Slap Moses?


Peep the subtle reverse racism: When a black quarterback can run and is moderately accurate, then THAT brother is the #1 pick, but when a white quaterback(Tebow) does it, that w-other gets "oh he'll never make it in the NFL as a quarterback..."...Hey, WHITE FOLKS CAN RUN TOO...just b/c white running backs and recievers are about as common as a hookers without herpes...that doesn't mean they can't be athletic...


Hookers Without Herpes...hmm, wouldnt that be a good name for an Indie Rock group...

Between Jasmine Sullivan's "I bust the windows out your car"(oh word, I bust the teeth out of your face...not saying I condone that but umm...messing with a man's car isnt exactly the best way to get a brother to act rationally) and Beyonce talking about "did i mention, don't pay him any attention(oook...B but that nigga is over there massaging a cat like Dr. Claw, laughing maniacally and twirling a live hand grenade...Kinda hard NOT to notice him), somebody's relationship is gonna end in murder...I'm just saying ladies...niggas are crazy!!!


Oh, btw TROPIC THUNDER MAYBE THE FUNNIEST MOVIE SINCE ANCHORMAN...If Robert Downey, Jr. doesnt get an Oscar for that, I will lose faith in humanity. How can you be in the 2008 equivalent to blackface and STILL get a laugh out of black folk...The movie was funny all the way through(you know how comedies eventually stop being funny and start trying to tell a story...) and poked fun at Nelly...Gotta love that!

Apparently, Obama is already meeting opposition from various interest groups...The Feminists(or pre-lesbians as I like to call 'em...nah, j/k ladies...kinda) say he is already going back on promises and the Gays are like he never really cared b/c he's recruited Rick Warren to do his invocation...Really, guys? The brother aint even PRESIDENT YET!!! Jeee-buss!!!, its gonna be an interesting 4 years, I tell you what(tm Hank Hill)...I dont care how the next 4 years go, quite frankly. Just seeing white folk trying to hide their fear and disappointment the next day was WELL worth it...even though black folk probably would have rioted if we lost...Shoot I know brothers that were like "i HOPE this nigga loses...I need a new TV!"

I wonder what the temperature of a fat man's fart in a sauna would be? 175 degrees? 273?

I am convinced that the country will NEVER be truly happy until we get a BCS Playoff in place...You know until its actually in place and we bitch about that too...Screw economic solvency and unemployment rates!!!

Seriously though, why are people asking OBAMA to change the BCS? Why do we even care? Have these people seen a paper lately?

Actually, with all these newspapers folding, probably not ...

Gas is back below 2 bones(Thank ya, Jee-Bus!!!)...So all that conservation crap I was talking a few months back...SCREW IT. If OPEC can cut oil production and gas drops, then apparently we must have enough to spare. Hey, stock market speculators are pretty spot on so that MUST be the reason...Look at how they predicted the housing crash!!

How many of your new years resolutions did you end up keeping for 2008? I was at about a .5 success rate...And, nine days in, '09 resolutions aint looking to be kept either...

True Story: So, this man gives his wife his kidney. Nothing out of the ordinary. Generally want to keep your wife alive, right? However, it turns out she ran around on this man and they end up getting divorce. The brother wants his kidney back or the cash equivalent. HAHAHA YOU GO BOY!!! I hope he wins! Divorce laws are biased towards men(true we're usually the ones f-ing up but still it aint right). Plus, it will set a HELL of a precedent. Sure, you can get custody of the kids, but i want custody of your organs, BEE-YOTCH!!! or the cash equivalent of my heart you ripped and stepped on...


Homeboy is better than me though...F the cash equivalent. Give me my damn kidney back!!! I wouldnt even have it reinstalled in my lower back...I'd just keep it in a jar and send her pictures of it every month like " how's your urinary system!!!"

Of course, this man could've been an asshole with one good deed in his whole life...most likely...Still pulling for ya though, bruh!


Obsure tangent #2: How in the hell could ANYbody deny the Holocaust? Really? "Hey man, 6 million people just got on trains for a friendly trip. That's all. Just because you never heard anything from the majority of them again doesn't mean they just up and disappeared. Not to mention the pollution in Germany was just really bad at the time. That was in NO way the ash of human flesh" Wow, the mind can convince itself of anything. ..

Whoopi Goldberg is sexy as hell!! Pot is a dangerous drug and detriment to society as a whole!! Trickle down economics work!! Ok, so maybe not all the time

It must suck to be a sports talk radio host sometimes...Its one of those jobs that everyone with a voice box thinks he/she could do. Many great jobs are like that(acting, rapping, etc) but that is the only one where people can call you and actually tell you about it...

Another time travel fantasy: I want to go back in just spy on some of this hallowed atheletes of the past. Like the only one we really hear that was a straight bastard was Ty Cobb and that's only b/c that nigga was epic! Most athletes of today that AREN'T named Adam "Pacman" Jones are getting into trouble that we all get into from time to time. You get caught slipping with a little too much alcohol or pot...you have a few too many babies out of wedlock...you know, the usual. Then, come the media talking "oh these athletes today are out of control" The egos yes, but its not just them. We are ALL out of control...its just that everyone doesnt have a camera on them all the time...You would probably see things infinitely more evil than what some of these athletes do if you follow the average person around. I bet if you followed Jonny Unitas around all the time, he would F up too...

Now that we gonna have a black president(lets hope.. its a long 12 days from now), can we put an end to the "nigga" thing? It is now officially ok for white folks to use "nigga" in the colloquial sense . To tell the truth, we always knew when white folks meant it as a slang term. We just really had nothing else to hold over you. And, the slavery thing was getting a little old...That is not to say saying NIGGER wont get you an old fashioned AW...Still, might wanna hold off on that one...still too soon

Someone had the NERVE, the UNMITIGTED GALL, the BRASS BALLS, to even insinuate that SLASH from Guns 'n' Roses made the group legendary. Granted, "November Rain" nor "Estranged"nor "Welcome to the Jungle" would have been epic without slash's GHEE-TAR solos, but lets be feasible here...I like curly-haired Jewish guitarists like the next man, but THIS IS AXEL FUCKING ROSE we are talking about here...I just dont buy...especially if its the new album...If axel is on the mic and he doesnt rock, that would ruin a GREAT childhood mancrush...ON that note...

The five best lead singers of a rock band...

5. Anthony Kedis-Wow Kedis ROCKS!!! He is to this day the only rocker who dropped heroin and got BETTER...and the brother can sing, never wears a shirt, and has probably the most kick-ass tattoo covering his back...If that ain't rock and roll, I dont know what is...

4. Scott Weiland-And a close second for the guy who got better when he dropped heroin...it was touch and go there for a minute, but he has found new life with "Velvet Revolver"and I am happy for him...I still think Stone Temple Pilots had the BEST MTV's Unplugged album ever. Jee-bus the acoustic version of "Plush" will change your life...

3. Kurt Kobain-Nirvana's songs were like 4 minute fever dreams with nothing really making sense(well, to me anyway), but it did not matter in the first. The pure angst in the words and the pain in his voice made every song an adventure. In a paradox, the same pain that made his voice great swallowed him whole. As is often the case, the weight of genius only benefits the populace, not the carrier...

2. Robert Plant-I know, I know...I just de-legitimized my little countdown by putting one of the greatest rock singers ever at number 2. This man is awesome, just awesome. You wanna know how to sing the blues? Listen to "Since I've been loving you" You wanna know how to wail? Listen to "The Rain Song". Its just hard to quantify his raw ethos on the mic. The man just makes me feel something with every song. My mind is mere putty. Mold me Robbie!!! I just can't give him number one for 2 reasons...2)Even though he made it his own, he just kinda copied american rhythm and blues and of course, literally the number 1 reason is :

(1) Axel Fucking Rose-Come on now, man crush!!!

Bruce Eagle the Full Metal. Peace!!!

You can quote me on that

"I am starting to like rap sometimes...but not all the time. Sometimes its just another nigga talking to me that ain't listening"-CP on her budding rap affinity


"Seriously, John did you really think you were going to win"-A campaign manager speaking to a dejected Johm McCain on Election night


"Dee-bah-dum-da...La-di-la-doba-dah-da"...Stan getz "Acqua di Marco(or at least thats what i THINK they are saying...appears to be portuguese)


"Give it to Mikey..."-Molly, jailhouse pimp(ok gonna stop with the Vick in jail jokes they are derivative and trite, regardless to their hilarity)


"No, I don't want to do Playboy...yet"-Sarah Palin weighing her options with her agent


"...you know I've always hated you"-my friend scoe after I knocked over the ashtray...again


"...that don't mean we gonna be having bbq's on the white house lawn every week"-Michael Basden on Obama getting elected


"Remind me how having a brown man in office with an arabic last name is going to INCREASE terror attacks from brown people with arabic last names"-Bruce eagle


"Jesus, I wish these ho's would back up off my MAN"-Michelle Obama, first lady elect


"Its like the OJ trial all over again. Black folks are way TOO happy and white folks are way TOO sad"-My pops on the Obama election


"Seriously, I am so out of date. I'm like Strom Thurman reading poor richards almanac with a vitrola playing in the background. Even I can see THAT"-The 2nd amendment


"Yes, my name is busty mcclure and I am calling about a workers comp claim....UM, yes I lost the use of my right eye in a botched teabagging scene"-Excerpt from a call to AFLAC


"Aaaahhh yeah. I got something to tell you all...umm...About Genesis. Umm...well, it WAS actually SUPPOSED to be Adam and Steve in the bible. My bad, I just caught it...UH-HUH...Jesus Christ, give me a break here. YOU try holding an ever expanding void together with your bare hands...ITS A VOID...Besides its not like it did any harm...It's not like you guys are taking those stories and parables literally or something...oh you are, huh? Well who in the hell told you to do THAT, sure wasnt me"-GOD

Bruce Eagle the Full Metal. Peace!!!

"We don't believe you...

you need more people." Jay-Z


Max Payne as a viable form of entertainment...sorry, you need more people...(Jesus, that movie was awful...Maybe, I didn't get it b/c i didn't really play the ga...nah it was just terrible)


Barack Obama's "redistribution of wealth" line of political theory as socialism...sorry you need more people.(Yes, redistribution of wealth is a tenet of socialism, hence, the SOCIAL part of the "ism", but its not totally socialism. We are not totally capitalist, either. If that were so then AMTRAK wouldn't be owned and operated by the government. No one nation operates purely in one economic theory. Its usually a mix. And besides, what is so damn bad about THAT...how do you think the wealthy get wealthy? hmm? they perform or sell a service or goods(well the legal ones anyway) and we, the public, pay for it. Now, when tax time comes around, the execs and the company itself are taxed easier relative to income than the people who helped make the company and the execs rich. How is that fair? What Obama wants to do is tax the people with the most money MORE and tax the common folk less relative to income, thereby compromising so that the government can makes its money, we commoners can keep ours, and those who can AFFORD it make the bill. Now, if this does happen we will have to make sure that the money is going back into the economy and not some politicians pocket but we'll have to cross that when we come to it).


The past 8 years have been the new millennium...sorry you need more people(between the rapidly growing disparity b/t the rich and the poor, the rampant use prescription drugs and Ecstasy(the explosion of crack), a very evil president and cabinet(Reagan administration), and a stock market crash, you can't tell me the last 8 years haven't been the 80's. Could've fooled me)



Arby's...sorry you need more people...(come the hell on now, Arbys. Are you serious? Who in the hell needs that much roast beef?)


KFC as a franchise...sorry you need more people...(No, no no...KFC is not a franchise. They are cold blooded bastards...First we had that melange of arterial blockery with that meal bowl and now they are passing out that Sampler box filled to the brim with stroke fodder. Seriously, doesn't KFC know who they are dealing with? We are Amercians, for Christ Sakes. You put that much food in front of us we are going to eat it! All of it. KFC needs to realize their responsibility and stop giving us so much delicious savory good-oh-so goodness b/f we eat ourselves to death. And do something about that nasty ass gravy, too...on that note...)


White gravy...sorry you need more people...(WRAPS!!! Gravy is soul brother brown...you can kill that white gravy noise. Dang, cant we have anything as a people without white folks taking it? First you take our music and now you take our gravy? Well, I am taking a stand: NO MORE WHITE GRAVY!!! Petition at your local CRACKER Barrell...)


Max payne as a viable form of entertainment...sorry, you need more people. (Um... yeah its that bad...)

People that want the game of baseball to stay the same...sorry you need more people(Come on y'all you don't think baseball needs a little tweaking every now and then? It's 150 years old. We even change the damn constitution more than we change Baseball. What else has stayed the same for the last 100 years other than racism and American flag? You can talk to an elderly dementia patient and they will tell you how they still hate the DH rule. Its like you can't touch baseball at all. If you say, "hey maybe we should cut back on the approximately 185 thousand games you play a season." You get aback, "no, no no..." I just don't understand it.)

Inspirational Black/white movies as a good idea...sorry you need more people...(Ok, we get it. White folks use to ban black athletes...Black athletes just wanted to play...Black neighborhoods got a much needed boost in confidence and the spirits of an entire race were lifted by that one shot or home run or touchdown catch...Inner City schools are rough...White people cant dance and black people can...Urban youth just need someone who cares...blah blah blah, we get it. Enough already)

Frank Caliendo as a comedic genius...sorry you need more people(I just don't...I just hate this man and I can't even explain it...)

Li'l Wayne as a lyricist of the year nominee...sorry you need more people(come on now...I like wayne songs like the next man, but the negro spent the last 7 mths or so...sighing and speaking unintelligibly. How in the hell are the histrionics lyricism? Entertainer of the year, YES but not lyricist. Niggas, please. NAS needs lyricist of the year for the "Untitled" album. He made an album we needed to hear not wanted to hear. )

Republicans are doing all they can to win this election...sorry you need more people(I am convinced now. The repubs are throwing this election. Its like they are not even trying. The strategy is just awful. The candidates in the primary this year were just awful. And, Sarah Palin. Really? This is the best you can find? She is cute and all, but she ain't that damn cute to get away with being that damn stupid. This is not the repub political machine I am used to. They are treating this like a CLASS president election...)

Iraq has weapons of mass destruction...sorry you need more people(I know I know, it's been proven that they didn't have so much, as chris rock would say, a wiffle ball bat, but I can't let that shit go. EVER. We got gassed and manipulated so hard you would have thought we were a fledgling rap star or something. I reiterate: HOW DO YOU NOT GET IMPEACHED FOR THAT CRAP?On that note...)

Those who believe a soldier is a soldier...sorry you need more people(No, a soldier is not a soldier. A soldier is a HUMAN BEING. Try this: instead of saying over 3500 soldiers have died in the Iraq war, say over 3500 people have died. Doesn't that sound much worse? We look at our soldiers as employees which, to a certain extent, is correct, but what other employee has to go that far beyond the call of duty? Died for FedEx lately? People get up in arms about protesting a war like its disrespecting the troops. NO, this isn't the 70's. Yes, it did get a bit out of hand during the 70's like it was the soldier's fault we were in Vietnam, but not now. And, if you haven't done so just thank a soldier for doing what I and probably you too are too scared to do. But, how about we REALLY respect our troops and send them to fight and win a war that MATTERS? How's that for respect: Dying for a good cause and not for some Geo-economic bullshit. on that note...)

People who say soldiers are dying to protect our freedom...sorry you need more people(Really, who in the hell is threatening our freedoms anyway? Our freedom to be as fat as we want, our freedom to be as greedy as we want, our freedom to carry guns that could take out an aircraft. No, those are safe. Now, I will admit that our freedom to make a living wage, our freedom to have or not have a kid, our freedom to be intoxicated by anything we damn well please, our freedom to have a private phone conversation, our freedom to properly elect a president is being threatened, but by our own government, not any foreign entity. You wanna fight? Fight the branches of government who have quietly been taking our REAL freedoms for decades now. A soldier has not died on foreign soil to "protect our freedoms" since the second World War.)

Bruce Eagle will lose a quarter of his material after this administration...sorry you..actually I will. This last 8 years may have been a rubric for efficient human rights violations, but it has also been a boon for us bloggers. What in the hell are we going to do after this administration? Man, I feel like frank caliendo here...well, at least I can spend more time talking about farts and boobies so maybe its not all bad...


Bruce Eagle the full metal. Peace!!!

"Out Damned Spot!"

Shakespeare and I haven't really gotten along since we were introduced about, oh, 10 years ago in high school. I don't think his prose is all that special. He's just got the benefit of obsolescent language, which makes it harder to understand thereby giving an esoteric feel to something that, at the time of its creation, was common language. Shakespeare wrote for generally uneducated masses, but he has some of the most timeless topics and issues in his plays and sonnets. He has a sonnet that pretty much reams his old lady a new one for about 14 lines, but the last two are pretty much "she's all I got and I love her so the other crap doesn't matter." Isn't that relationships in a nutshell? Your partner says and does some of the dumbest crap this side of a Texas Air Guard deserter, but at the end of the day, that person makes you happy so nothing else matters in the grand scheme of things.


Nowhere in Shakespeare's writing are the concepts as timeless as his tragedies because Ipod, walkman, phonograph, to traveling minstrel to any other advance or change throughout history, the one constant is tragedy. In each of these tragedies, there is a tragic hero, our protagonist, if you will (if I sound too 11th grade English, just bear with me. There is going to be a point in here somewhere). Some poor smhuck is going to fall victim to one of the timeless pitfalls of humanity. Zealotry (Macbeth), Lovesickness/Heartbreak (Marc Antony), Greed (Lady Macbeth), Treachery from those you thought were your friends (Othello), the Pit falls of being on top/treachery (Hamlet). In essence, Greed and treachery. And, what defines the human experience quite like greed and treachery.

In all of the Shakespeare tragedies, the tragic hero is ALWAYS warned of dangers to come. It's just this danger is usually delivered by a fool, drunkard, witch, hobo, vagabond, hoser, leper, or Cubs fan, which is then summarily tossed aside by the tragic hero. Bad move. ALWAYS. The most important note about this is that the advice/admonishment is ALWAYS dead on. This is a hard fact of life. Many times advice or warnings are shrugged off because the source isn't cool enough or fly enough or wizened enough or old enough or young enough. Think about this: How many times were your parents EXACTLY right when giving advice about life? Advice you didn’t listen to but ultimately should've.

It doesn't matter where the knowledge comes from as long as it comes. The medium by which information is delivered IS NOT more important than the information itself. Where, as a people, did we get to the point that if our information does not come from a flashy format we do not take it as valid? We are thinking with our eyes and not our mind. If Gabrielle union is wearing a trash bag, at the end of the day, isn’t she still gabby freaking union? This is not to say that you should be getting your medical advice from the guy outside the liquor store or legal advice from the neighbor's drunk uncle, but at least take the time to process the information before you write it off. Look at it like the difference between cigar and cigarette smoke. Cigarette smoke is inhaled (swallowed) while cigar smoke is exhaled without fully swallowing the smoke.

Take in all information you recieve at first. Roll it around a bit. Research it if you deem necessary. If it isn't a complete load of horse hockey, then swallow it down. If its hot gah-bage, spit it back. Ask the right questions. Challenge people. "Hey, a snot rocket to the eye socket doesn't sound like it will cure cancer." "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don’t think we should give folks who just lost billions of dollars more billions and think its going to be alright." But, give it a chance first. Just because a republican said it, doesn’t mean it isn’t true. Just because a democrat said it doesn’t make it Gospel and vice versa depending on your affiliation.

The main point in all of this is thinking. Proper assessment of the validity of what you are being told requires thought. Is it cigarette or cigar smoke? Holy or hockey? If you think about it, does knowing a person that did something wrong 25-30 years ago mean that you are prone to doing the same thing? Does the fact that a man befriends a plumber mean he cares about the working class? Does the fact that a man is black mean the same thing? Does the fact that a person voted against Martin Luther King Day in his state mean he is racist.

Correlation is not causation. At first glance, the answer to all those questions would be yes; however upon further investigation, they are empty questions and the answers prove absolutely nothing about future events. Its election year with the big day soon at hand and you will hear a WHOLE lot of erroneous, loosely analogous accusations that at first thought sound reasonable, but don't hold water upon further inspection.

Let us think America, for once. You know the reason that the framers of the constitution didn't put the election of the president directly in the people's hands: they said we were fickle and seldom knew what we wanted. This election is TOO important for us to be lollygagging around talking about plumbers and preachers. We need to clean up our economy. We need to mend fences with the entire world. So black folk, I want a black man as president as much as any other brother, but if you don’t feel he is capable, then please don't vote for him. White folk, don’t vote for him b/c he has the right amount of grey hair or he LOVES the working man (really? really? what in the hell about repub's, would lead ANYONE to believe they are for the common man? What is the last thing repub's did for the common man? Free the slaves? Damn, I wanted to write this straight up, but come on! We are not even trying here.) or because he is white.

I am not telling you who to vote for. I am telling you what to do before you walk into that booth. Think, really think, about what you feel is important and which candidate gives it to you. If you love health care but hate black people, vote for Barack! If you like the status quo and feel we shouldn't change power during an unstable economy, but you hate women, go ahead a vote for McCain. It’s the MOST important thing to you. I hate broccoli but if a brother was starving you can cool believe I am eating the damn broccoli. And, ladies and gentlemen this country is starving.

We can do this America! We were manipulated. We were scared and mislead the last 8 years with fake terror "plots" and the like, but it’s never too late to change. Please vote for the right reasons. Reasons that matter to our NATION as a whole not just you, because that is what is at stake. Our National infrastructure, Our Future. Black, White, Hispanic, or Jedi, let's get it right. To have another 4-8 years like the preceding ones would be, well, tragic.

Sincerely, A.B.F.

Loquacious Levity 10-15-2008

Hey, Did you know that in February 2009 that cable is switching to digital? So, if you have an analog box or a t.v. with rabbit ears...

So, How bout those Yankees...hahaha, i guess Torre was your good luck charm...

Have you ever went out drinking on Thursday night and got hammered and the only way you can remember what happened is through sudden flashbacks like the dude from Memento? So you are at your computer at work the next day and all of a sudden its…OH MY GOD, I peed my pants last night…No? Me neither…

Here let me have a minute with my man Juice…Orenthal James SIMPSON…What the in the flying fuck at a rolling donut(big ups to Vonnegut for that one) is wrong with you!!!! YOU LET THEM GET YOU …Damn, juice we all know you did it. That aint the point. The point was it was so obvious that you did it and GOT away with it…All the lynchings, all the violations of due process black folk had to deal with for centuries and we had finally got one over after all these years!!!…Juice you didn’t win that for you. YOU WON IT FOR US… …And you let them get you anyway…Its not for murder true, some b.s. theft and kidnapping charge…but THEY GOT YOU nonetheless…Fuck it, Juice. I am through with you…

Foreshadowing: Baaaaaa....only sorry you got c-aaaaaaa-aught

Is it just me or has McCain's campaign been immensely unrepublican? I dont mean that its not with out that subtle classist and racist undertone, but where the hell is the political savvy? Say what you want about the Repubs, but those are some political animals...Had us wrapped around their finger for 8 years...oh and lets not even talk about the 80's and the early 90's...Not that I mind this one bit, but i feel like we are being slighted. Like the democrats are beating up on the Republicans, but its like beating the patriots with out tom brady...Phyrric. This victory will be tarnished(and there is sufficient enough time to f-this one up too, but its looking good). Never thought i'd acutally miss Karl Rove...he was a political bad-ass...

Did I just call Karl Rove a bad-ass?…wow

For the sake of appearances, literally and figuratively, shouldn't John McCain just drop out of the election? This is the best looking election, well, ever. All the candidates but him are good-looking (no homo). McCain is lowering the beauty quotient...substantially

Theoretically, if guys are going to give the "no homo" if they even allude to the fact that another man might be handsome, shouldn't the same thing go for when they say a nucca is ass-ugly? You are still judging a man…

It only took one of the most laughable caricatures of a politician in Sarah Palin to bring glory back SNL. Its like its Dan quayle all over again...POTATOS!!!!

OH MY GOD, I got shot down by a lady with a mustache and musty armpits…

Hey, isn't Frank caliendo going to lose a good third of his act when President B...oh my bad, the soon to be former chief executive who shall remain nameless in this blog (ahh, thats better) steps down(technically, he never really built a platform so I dont know what he would step down from. Ba-dum-ching!! Thank you thank you…). He better hope John Madden lives forever...

You ever just get the feeling that one day you'll wake up and its the first day of Kindergarten? I don’t know if that would suck or not...On one hand you really get to start over and really make a killing on Super Bowl bets, but damn you would have to do everything over again...

And, that would be a really long dream...

OH on that note, will people stop getting so out done over “god damn it” Its not cursing at God, its asking God to curse something…I admit it sounds a bit harsh, but there is no better phrase for being stuck in traffic, getting the wrong food after you drive away from the drive thru, getting out the frustrations at work, or when Steve Smith drops a pass that bastard should have caught…I mean, it was right in your hands, its was a crisp pass and you dropped it…we could have gotten back into the game you bum…GODDAMN IT!!! See? (seriously though, Steve smith is so nice on the field, I would marry his hands if I could…)

No homo, btw…

What if we are as smart as we are ever going to be as infants? The only thing we are missing is speech. It would appear that all evidence in adults substantiates the claim...

How in the hell do we know we only use 10% of our brains. Isnt it our brain that’s telling us that? How do we even know the other 90% is useable? It could just be the biological equivalent of packaging Styrofoam…

I don’t know, man…F-it, Juice…Ima stick with you…I can’t stay mad at you…You were Norberg for Christs Sake…


Aren't all questions answered by rhetoric rhetorical questions?

OH MY GOD, I sung Everybody Hurts at Karaoke last night and cried so much I couldn’t finish the song…

People say don't waste your breath, but we dont know how many breathes we get...Shoot if I live to 100(doubt that, either the 'Ports or the man's or some pissed off badger’s (don't even ask) gonna do me in), what's a few breaths here and there...I think St. Peter does some accounting when you reach the gates anyway. Like he sees you gave some breath to charity here...someone owed you some breath there...and he sends you back for a few more months to get those breathes back...

Whenever you see a depiction of heaven, there is always a line...I like the metaphor because everyone wants to get to heaven, but one would think the most perfect place in existence would be more efficient...Hey, maybe there's beauracracy even there...Like you have to have Peter sign you in, then you go to another line where Jesus has to sign take your...ahh, f-it, you get the point...

Hey, what if every religion gets a heaven...I wonder would a buddist heaven have a buffet with buddah ladeling out clear broth and salisbury steak...

Word Power: Smollette- noun (SMOW-let), the situation that arises when person’s finger breaks through the toilet paper and slids into the anus…

I am still trying to figure out if Keanu Reeves can act. I mean, what if the back story for every character he’s ever played is a guy who flunked out of acting school? Even Neo (that’s why he had to work in that office, cus he didn’t make it as an actor)…If that’s true, then he is a genius!!!!

I could have sworn Rihanna could sing. She ripped that "Unfaithful" track she had a while back. I mean, she won’t no Whitney in her prime but who is? Jeeezus, now she sounds like a sheep doing a Keith Sweat impersonation.

What is it about male feces that just makes it stick to the bottom of our underwear (It happens to us all...Don't EVEN front)...I think it’s the high beef content...

Am I the only one that wants the steroid era in baseball back?

ok...ok...The top five things that need to stop right f-ing now...

5. The Voicebox in music-Guys it was pretty cool at first. It had an eighties throwback feel to it and Kanye's verse on that "Put on" wouldn't be as hot with out it("I put ooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnn), but does it really need to be in every song now? Everything in moderation people...

4. The skinny jeans on men-Word, so you mean to tell me all this time I could have been wearing straight leg jeans? I dissed Lee jeans all this time for nothing! F-THAT...and put a few more inches on that waistseam homie...I can see your unborn babies...

3. Women that think all they have to offer in a relationship is poon-Ok I am willing to concede that some of this is due to men's overvaluing of vagina...and us paying exorbitantly to get it(yes, TI it IS tricking if you got it, cus you tricking her into thinking that poon is all she has to offer). I mean, most women my age don’t even know how to cook that well (hey did that read as 1950’s as it sounded in my head?) They go out to party with no money (the cute ones anyway). They dont pay bills...hold up…that’s a pretty sweet gig now that I think about it...shoot, ladies I cant even hate...ok so...

3. Gas stations with no Gas-so your primary function is to provide gas right...so WHY THE HELL AINT YOU GOT ANY...? Wow, man...10 years ago if you would have told me I could go to exxon for gas and there wouldnt be any...wow...does this scare the shit out of anyone but me? They dont call 'em fossil fuels, cus they make ugly ass watches...Once its gone...well, you know the rest

2. Baseball taking its sweet damn time-I like baseball, i really do. There is no better way to spend a summer day than to overpay for hot dogs and sweat your butt off at a ball park. But, come on yall you dont care that a nigga got to go to work tomorrow? The batter has to knock the dirt of his cleats(never really got that one...you have to put your foot right back in the dirt), spit, swing the bat a few times, fart, call his mama, and pay some bills...and that is just between pitches when the pitcher actually deems it worthy to finally throw the ball...I guess baseball really is america's game...You have people complaining about the number of hispanics(really just peep the subtly when someone calls in to a sports radio show about the Mets), it takes for ever for something to get done(a hit), and when it does there is no guarantee that it will pay off(stranded runners), Only a few people are doing something at one time and the rest just stand around and watching(that’s pretty much Congress right there…)

1. Bruce Eagle taking a month between posts-my bad...I'll get better I promise(but what is a bruce eagle promise...?). Give me a break. I have at least kept my word for about 10 words... See you tomorrow and as always:


Bruce Eagle the full metal. Peace!!!

Call me Part II

House Party:
So your pick
lick yours or mine
aint nothing but space and opportunity
you're beauty sublime
like sunshine in the winter time
no line baby
real talk,
say we...
get a little growner than we are
take a little trip to the car
bed
arms
legs over your head
I love talking but lets walk instead
said she "got a man"...
I say I got beer got beer goggles and a condom
whats the problem, ma'am
"well...I never" she replied
and you never will again keep acting siddified
just let it ride
Baby, and go, go
you know you want it
lets go, go
Oh...hands on her hips, head to the side
eyes rolling
Im going
"i knew I should've lied with tired cliche"
lets replay
I'm Bruce E. way past tipsy
Pardon me
she said "whatever
you cute and clever
plus my man aint got it together
I down for head or better"
but as fast as she spoke those words forbidden
she looked down at my crotch
and said "Naaaahhh...just kidding"
Damn!