"What you know about dat"

What you know about-this: "...I caaaannn go anywheeerreee. Just take a look its in a book ITS READING RAINBOOOOOWWWWW?!!" Reading Rainbow was the shite!!! I couldnt wait for it to come on right before naptime. Yep, it was a childrens show that we used to watch the hell out of at summer day camp. You remember that blind guy from Star Trek, Lavar Burton? He was the host. This was one of the silliest shows on the air, but it got kids to read so i guess it met its objective...

What you know about- Naptime?-Remember when you were young and at a day camp or preschool or kindergarten and you had a specified naptime? Why the hell did we stop this tradition? Tell me an hour nap during the day wouldnt set you right? And we had bedtimes back then and still got naptime. I say, we take a note from the spanish, and have siesta time. Like multimillion dollar businesses cant lose an hour or so or so or so...You know what? Maybe its for the best...

What you know about-Butter cookies and Tampico juice? Tampico was some of the nastiest crap ive ever drunk but when you are outside in the sun with no trees playing your ass off, that tampico hit the spot even though water probably would have been better. What you know about those butter cookies that use to have the little hole where you could put your finger in and eat it in a circle? I miss pinky-based food...

What you know about-frying food with Crisco Shortening? Oh you thought this was just to grease your baking pan? Nah, you can straight up fry with it or at least my moms did. I figured out the other day why i was overweight as a kid(or at least one of the reasons): my moms cooked with shortening damn near every meal(yep ima hick). Shortening is, in essence, pure, congealed animal fat. You know what though? That fat was freaking delicious. Moms had to put it down cus my pop's heart was about open his chest and walk off in search of a better life, but it was fat, i mean, fun while it lasted...

What you know about-Sonic the Hedgehodge? Sega was my thing in like 95 and as usual i was the last to get the game system. I missed out on nintendo completely(in retrospect i didnt miss much but it was popping back in the day). Now, for a while, my peeps just could not be convinced how imperative this game system was to my well-being, but they finally broke down and got me one. But, oh no, they couldnt hold a brother down with some controllers and some games or something. It was the bare minimum system that they bought. You know what game came with the system, along with the one controller(i was an only child but damn i did have some friends)? Sonic the mutha-flurbing Hedgehog, "hahaha my nigga". I ended up LOVING THIS GAME. Still to this day havent beaten it but thats besides the point. Wasnt this a metaphor for adult life though? You run as fast as you can and try to get as many gold rings as you can. You have a little help along the way, but tails aint really do crap for you. You had to do it yourself. All while you are doing this, there is this fat overbearing, evil tyrant following you around and trying to stop you from getting your coins...Yeah, that pretty much sums up adult life...

What you know about-Calculus? I aint even gonna front. I kept this secret from my mom who to this day will still bring this up . I got an "A" out of that class but it was given to me. We aint do crap in that class. Seriously though, how has calculus made your life any easier. I know calculus theory is used in engineering and programming but i mean the average everyday person. I can see algebra, it taught you how to back into solutions without full information, but calculus? I aint never needed to know how to...umm...see i cant even remember that crap...

What you know about-duct tape? Outside of compound interest and digital porn, duct tape has to be one of the most useful, seminal inventions of the past 100 years. What cant you use it for? What you know about red duct tape on a broken taillight? What you know about duct tape holding your bed together? What you know about duct tape as the battery cover for a remote? Nuff said...

What you know about-pretty much every post coming down to the same format just with different names? My bad, the government has been doing this for years though...

"What you know about that, I know all about that"-T.I.


Bruce Eagle the full metal. Peace!!!

"We don't believe you...

You need more people"-Jay-Z

Global Warming...sorry you need more people.

Do you know what the morning (7 am or so) temp was in sunny Stamford, CT 06905 yesterday? ELEVEN DEGREES with a NEGATIVE 8 wind chill...Im calling bullfeathers on that...

Seriously, its not that Global Warming isn’t happening, per se, but its not an accurate term for our situation as a planet. What this term would connote is that the earth is simply getting hotter. Well, the earth, a living organism unto itself, goes through changes every so often as most organisms do. I seem to recall a period in earth's history where the entire planet was ice. So, yeah, the earth gets warmer.

So in essence, the earth would have become warmer or changed climates with out us here. Yep, life can go on without us. It did and will(if there is anything left). This term is catchy and it gave Al Gore something to put on T-shirts, but no, the term Global Warming does not properly reflect what is going on here. We humans have done irrevocable damage to our home. Do you know what irrevocable means? We CANNOT FIX THIS? In the last 100 years, we have consumed more resources than all civilizations that have ever existed combined. I understand that some of this has to do with an influx of technology and population growth; however, explain or excuse all you want that doesn’t change the fact that we have destroyed this planet. The only thing that will save us now is:

CONSERVATION of what little we have left. The consumption of all of our resources have drained mother earth not to mention depleted the ozone layer in the process. That natural UV filter mother earth gave us is GONE. Any semblance of pure air is GONE. We have to not just recycle, but stop using so much. Stop driving so much. Stricter Mandatory gas mileage standards for every car. A less debaucherous lifestyle in general for everyone. I know you remember those reduce, reuse, recycle commercials like 15 yrs ago. Shit, back further than that was Jimmy Carter spouting better gas mileage, more conservation. This concept aint new to us. We didn’t listen then. So, we have to pay now. Its not to say that there haven’t been many people who have contributed to World awareness and there has been recent Clean Air legislation, but this is not enough. These are actions not results. People feel that this is a solution. No it’s support not a solution. People feel that way b/c the term Global warming isn’t strong enough in its reductionist nature.

So yes, Global warming… you need more people and you need more words.
Let’s try: The fact that we have fucked this earth over and cant fix what we have done but we can stop more fuck ups in the future so that our great^10 grand children may actually have something left.

Not quite as catchy but the message is fully stated.

Bruce Eagle the full metal. Conserve!!!

Loquacious Levity 2-11-08

Ima go ahead and let you know this off the bat: WORST POST EVER...

And, ive set the bar pretty low so far, but i am going to chug along. You're Welcome

Is it just me or has texting totally ruined my regular typing? For some reason i cant type in complete sentences anymore...

or spell your, yours, or you're correctly anymore...

Seriously though, How many fantasy leagues would have nixed that Gasol trade. How was that even fair? I think the lakers gave up a kit-kat and some snapple for him

Did you see the grammys? Word...thats whats up...but they were pretty good this year. With no writers they had more performances, which is really all the grammys should be: a concert version of an All-star game...

Ok, ima say it. I teared up when Kanye did his "Hey Mama" song for his recently deceased mom. DONT LIE YOU ALMOST DID TOO!!!!

A little background: I left my home state after 18 years for the Big Apple in 2004. I am an only child so this was the first time i had really left home. Now, Kanye had a mixtape(or at least thats what im calling bootleg records now) where that song was up there. Oh you thought that was that new-new huh? Nah its pretty old. But i always skipped that song cus it made me miss MY Amama too much. Yeah im pretty much a pussy...

Tina Turner and Beyonce had a good performance too. Albeit, when they performed "Proud Mary" that river ran a little slow...

But give her a break, shit man. Tina got be like a good Buck-fifteen by now...its a wonder she didnt come out in depends...Although that outfit did look a little bulky

I like Amy Winehouse as much as the next man(try her album "Frank" if you like "Back to Black) but 5 grammys? NOONE EVER DESERVED THAT MANY...im talking to you Alicia and Norah, too...Well maybe the "Miseducation of Lauryn Hill" but shit she aint even get 5!!!

And i quote, my old lady just referred to someone in the background as "that fat black lady from the website"

When that is your moniker it maybe about time to, you know, hit the treadmill, punch a stairmaster or something...

Punch a stairmaster? wow...that was terrible

And i quote, my old lady just said in the background again "well let me go take a dump cus I had some broccoli...and Happy Yom Kippur..."

Yep, im in love with a real lady...

And the current sounds from out of out bathroom: Spray, Spray, Spray!!! 2 for the bulk and once for the remainder's what i always say...(you really think im making this up dont you? All the quotes were realtime as i was typing this...see sometimes its pays to freestyle blog..but most times it doesnt)

The always classy Bruce ending with a flatulence joke once again...told you this one was gonna be bad.

Bruce Eagle the full metal. Peace!!!

Mythbuster:Mary-Ju-Wanna

This segment will be done time to time to dispell any myths out in the ether. I have put on my little funny hat and grew a goatee. So, lets bust a myth today!

Myth: Mary-Ju-Wanna makes you hungry

Ummm....


Myth: Mary-Ju-Wanna affects your short-term memory

Umm...

Mythbuster: Female Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton

This segment will be done time to time to dispell any myths out in the ether. I have put on my little funny hat and grew a goatee. So, lets bust a myth today!

A lot of people, for what ever reason, have long spouted myths on why a woman cant be president. This myth is based on a longstanding tradition of male gender bias. We were given the strength, but somehow we feel that makes us better in every aspect of society. WELL, IT DOESN'T! We are no better or worse(well maybe worse depending on who you ask). Lets bust this myth using hillary clinton's bid for presidential election, shall we?

Myth: A female president will lose control over emotions due to menstration...

Buster: I know we have all felt a little bit of "menstral wrath" and i admit it sucks. However, most times you never know when a female is on her period. Do you? Now,that could mean that you are inattentive or it could mean that women, who have menstrated since oh i dont know 13, know how to handle a flux in hormones or that all the poppycock is overexaggerated and there really isnt a negative change in overall demeanor. But all that aside, the average presidential candidate is 55 years old and Hil-dog is 50 since october. Given that menopause, the end of a female's child bearing years, usually brings an end to menstration and begins around 50, i dont think we have to worry about Hillary, to quote family guy, "...menstrating all over the city"

Myth: A female president will not have the tenacity and ferocity of a man, thereby opening up blah blah blah "terrorists"...

First off, i know there are a lot of folks that hate america(not b/c of our freedom but we tend to be dicks from time to time), but lets cool out with the terrorists okay. Yes they are out there and they always have and always will exist but every facet of american society does not have to be affected. If that happens, then, well, the terrorists win. Ok, back to the myth. Second, A female is not physically stronger than a man generally, but possesses an innate painkilling mechanism instilled for childbirth(not to say that doesnt still hurt like the dickens). In essence, the phrase "take it like a man" is erroneous. But thats besides the point, I just wanted to put that out there. Have you ever seen any female of any mammalian species when their young are threaten?...Shit, you better look out. Ever scorned a woman? Shit, hell have no fury. Ever seen a half price sale at Davids Bridal? Shit, there may be blows thrown...

The ferocity is there gentlemen. Its just not expended due to a misplaced step on someone's sneakears or b/c someone said "fuck the redsox"(oh and btw fuck the redsox. just had to get that in there). Have you ever thought that living in a patriarchal society and being physically weaker than men have given women an ability to resolve conflict without the violence. Yeah, you know what they call diplomacy...Diplomacy doesnt stop terrorism, but it sure does curb the creation of new terrorists. Besides, a female president will still have her finger on "the button" for any "one wan' testa". Ask yourself: breasts or penis when one of the most skilled and technologically advance armies ever to walk the planet is waiting in the wings for your call, "whats the difference"?

Myth: Only white males can be president

Buster: Ok, so this one isnt as explictly felt as the other two, but its overt in the voting habits of the public. Christ, for the first 150 years of this country's existence, there were only white men voting. Hey, I am not saying that a woman would be the best president(hard to beat kennedy, lincoln and washington). What i am saying however is that we have voted white males 42 times in this nations history. And, there have been plenty of bad ones(taft, fillmore wasnt all that hot, and the one that shall go unnamed in this column, yeah him too) and good ones. That is to say that greatness isnt always instilled in a cream colored nutsack. Its gonna be a toss up with anyone, regardless of color or ovarian processes. Yes my friends, its about time we give someone else a shot. Don't you think? At least, there wouldnt be any BJ's in the oval office any more. Or at least received anyway. No, i am pretty sure if you reached the presidency you wont have to give 'em any more...

anyway, give hillary a chance if you stand for her principles. Don't let a dearth of testicles affect you. She has the right to be a bad president like the next white,black, mexic..ok who am i kidding white male. Equal ineptitude under the law is what i say!!!! MYTH BUSTED!!!

Bruce Eagle the full metal. Peace!!!

Loquacious Levity 2-5-2008

I think a rose by any other name would smell different. For thousands of years people have referred to roses as roses. You know the thorns, and you know the colors and of course, you know the smell. There is a certain connotation to the word. Now, lets say we started calling roses- milk and milk- roses. Don't you think milk would start to smell like roses and vice versa?...

So what i guess im saying is...you dont experience words. Just connotations. If you had been told ice cream was poisonous from birth, wouldnt you stay the hell away from ice cream? Wouldnt it smell sour to you regardless of the condition? Or did i just fucking blow your mind...

Or was that the worse theory i have ever had about anything.

Some superbowl commercials cost about 90 grand per 30 seconds...3 grand a second? I understand the price given the number of people that will see it but hot damn i dont think id pay 3 grand/sec for anything. Well, non-sexual that is...

But, that would have to be one hell of a lay though

Happy Black History Month!

I just heard about some virtuous gentleman that was a civil rights activist in the 50's and 60's. Good guy. Powerful speaker, but the poor fellow got shot while he gave a speech. I wonder why I dont hear about him any other time of year? Thats weird.

I know that February is black history month b/c of Lincolns birthday, etc., etc. But, i mean did we have to get the shortest month though? Damn even when america is playing nice, they still fuck us over...

Where the hell is my 40 acres and a mule...

BTW, I would hate to live in an era where 40 acres and a mule represent compensation.

Man, its march 1st and i know i forgot to do something...umm...read some black authors, watched that PBS special about black stars and their ancestors. hmmm what did i forget...

Oh yeah, to bribe my sweetheart for all the fuck-ups thus far and to come...damn...

So if i were broke and couldn't buy a valentine's gift, would that mean i didnt love you...

Of course though if im broke, i probably havent taken you on a date. So shit man you've made it this far...a hug and a lick should do you fine

So its Super Tuesday today. Uh-huh. Riiiighhht....Now remind me why the hell we are voting 9 mths before the presidential election.

Since its Black History Month, lets put a moratorium on the black man=big penis thing. I mean im alright(havent received any complaints) but i get tired of having to live up to the standard...

Oh yeah, another moratorium on the use of the word "racism"in inappropriate circumstances. Just b/c barry bonds has to go to trial, b/c mike vick had to go to jail, b/c a white ref. calls a foul on a black player, or even b/c some jerk like Imus calls someone nappy does not mean that it is racism. No lets reserve that for the inordinate amount of minorities behind bars. Lets reserve that for the lack of minority business loans; the lack of minority home owners. Lets reserve that for our immigration policy, etc, etc. To keep throwing this word around cheapens it. It cheapens everytime a black man was lynched for looking a white woman. It cheapens every time a native american(and thats the only PC term i used on the regular b/c to say indians is actually erroneous given that it was given b/c of a lost explorer) had to walk thousands of miles just to move to another land(the trail of tears: read up on that. it was FUCKED up and my state did that...)...
This word is about hate, unadulterated, turn a good man crazy hate. I spoke earlier on connnotations. Lets not cheapen the connotation of the word. When this word is uttered it should reflect the gravity of the situation it describes...not just b/c you didnt get your way.

This isnt like the term "nigger", niggah, nucca or any of its derivatives, b/c of the fact that the term has been taken back by the people it has been used against(call it empowerment or call it misuse). This changes the connotation of the word...
Now, nigga can be used in its original context, but there again its about connotation. I have no problem with the word used in a slang way. I have a problem though when it is used to convey hate from one to another.

The funny thing is the only difference in physiological terms b/t me and a white man, a hindu man, or an eskimo is the level of melanin in my skin which changes the color of my skin and creates a darker tone.

And, apparently the size of my penis too, but thats up for debate

Bruce Eagle the full metal. Peace!!!

"You tried your very best...

but i guess your best wasn't good enough"

hahahaha, Man, was that not the best super bowl since NippleGate yesterday?

The titans; The 18-ohmygod Patriots vs. the lowly NFC representative, the Giants. The Super Bowl was supposed to be a foregone conclusion. A mere formality. Lucky for the Giants, the NFL makes you play a game before they hand out the Lombardi trophy.

The funny thing is is that this game did not need to be hyped, especially not for 2 weeks. You had the NY vs. Boston angle. The David vs. Goliath angle. So many stories So much time. And by God the media worked every story to death. By time kickoff came, there was a feeling of "just get this shit over with, please." Frankly, I was rooting for the Giants but was getting prepared for a blowout b/c lets face it: the patriots had the best statistical season ever. Points were nothing for this juggernaut. So, no matter how good you thought the Giants defense was how the hell can they possibly compete with the greatest offense of all time?

But, not only did the Giants slow down the greatest offense ever, they broke the 72 dolphins' champagne bottle over their heads...The Giants defensive line was swarming, penetrating, and relentless. I swear i thought time would stop if Tommy Brady's golden bottom ever touched the ground. However the earth continued to exist after the first brady sack. The giants defensive line like that so much they decided to sack Tommy 4 more times...Eli, formerly referred to as SHE-li, completed one of the greatest plays i have ever seen. You know the play, dont you? You saw it and said "what the fuck is going on". In the fourth quarter, down by 4, the Pats brought beaucoup pressure on Eli, formerly referred to as SHE-li, but Eli never left his feet. He was never planted on his wooden ass. Rather, he shrugged off those blue defenders. Read that line again. This manchild, formerly referred to as SHE-li, formerly referred to as that bum, formerly referred to as "Not as good as the other"Manning, shrugged off 300 lbs men by sheer force of will. Yes, this MANning stood at the cross roads of immortal and irrelevant and threw a frozen rope towards immortality...This pass was then received by David Tyree. Yes, THAT david tyree, the one you've never heard of. This was no common reception. David, in essence, caught the ball with the crown of his helmet and brought it down with a juiced Rodney harrison fighting him all the way down. This play set up the winning score with 30 seconds left...

Eli manning was awarded the super bowl MVP, rightfully so for an award given to one individual. However, this is a misnomer. Eli played amazingly. The defense played astoundingly. Everyone played championship ball. Everyone deserved the MVP. It wasn't that the patriots played a bad game. No, not in the first. They were just as stellar as usual. Albeit, belicheck, formerly referred to as "the genius", should have kicked a field goal when it was 4th and 13, but I am sure Tom Coughlin, formerly referred to as "crotchety old coot", isnt complaining. No, the Giants just played a better game that 9 times out of 10 would have garnered a loss to the 18-ohmygod Patriots, greatest offense of all time.

But, this was the 10th time. This Super Bowl, as most do, changed the entire outlook of the Giants, formerly referred to the "underachieving Giants". Eli will finally have the breathing room he needs to grow into a premier QB. Strahan gets a ring to wear on the set of whatever sports program he eventually joins. It saved Coughlin's job. Yes, there will be a lot of name changes due to this win. The 18-ohmygod Patriots will now be referred to as the 18 and irrelevant Patriots,the "not quite" Patriots. No matter the words the public chooses to describe this Giants Team from the Back page of the NY Post to the muttered utterances of Patriots fans, I think Eli, David Tyree, Michael Strahan and the rest of this team, formerly referred to as "the lowly NFC representatives", will like "Super Bowl Champion New York Giants" the best.

Congrats Gentlemen and Ill see you at the parade tomorrow. GO GIANTS!!!!